"A Blood Marriage Of Ghouls!"

  If you’re like me—that is to say, getting older by the minute—then you might fondly remember trips to your local video store in the 1980s, when VHS technology represented the cutting edge of home entertainment. For me, though, the ready availability and rewatch potential of Star Wars and Beverly Hills Cop was secondary to the pure pleasure of perusing the video racks, seeking out horror movies with the most lurid and hyperbolic box art. I was a bit of a chicken as a kid—I didn’t dive into the horror genre until my teens, and until then I was convinced that actually sitting down to watch these films would either cause me to drop dead from fright or drive me to incurable insanity (maybe both!). That didn’t stop me from seeking out the harmless thrill of faded VHS boxes featuring an array of homicidal madmen, slime-dripping mutations, and, of course, semi-naked ladies.

 So, you can imagine my delight when, just before Christmas, Fantagraphics finally released Jacques Boyreau’s loving tribute to this period, Portable Grindhouse: The Lost Art of the VHS Box (I think I pre-ordered this book around Christmas 2008!). This compact volume, which arrives in a VHS-style cardboard sleeve (click here for a video demonstration of the book's format), features the front and back covers of a wild array of forgotten trash cinema, featuring wonderfully sleazy titles like Slave Girls From Beyond Infinity, Death Promise, Invasion of the Flesh Hunters, and The Porn Murders. The front covers offer the sensational titillation of madmen, monsters, implements of destruction, and near-nudity, while the back covers prominently tell you the movie’s running time (the shorter the better—very few of these films last longer than 90 minutes), while either telling you frustratingly little or entirely too much about what can charitably be called the “plot”. The ridiculous taglines for some of these titles provide much of Portable Grindhouse’s laughs; The Lift, possibly the only movie ever made about a killer elevator, pleads with the viewer to “Take The Stairs, Take The Stairs. For God’s Sake Take The Stairs!”, while Night of Bloody Horror reassures us that “It’s Only A Picture!” (a much less effective rip-off of Last House On The Left’s famous “Just Keep Telling Yourself It’s Only A Movie!” tagline). There are some genuinely cool pieces of art to accompany some of these films, like the horrific portrait of the monster embryo that accompanies the 1979 eco-thriller Prophecy, and some equally terrible ones, like the awkward painting for the Boris Karloff mad scientist film The Chamber Of Fear (does that guy with the knife actually have two left arms?).

 This book is obviously a labour of love for Boyreau—in his introduction, he offers up a history lesson on the rise of the format, while extolling the superiority of the format over, say DVD or Blu-Ray (his argument, while not entirely convincing, is certainly passionate). However, there are some odd choices on display in this book—I’m not sure how Network, Schwarzkopf: How The War Was Won, Gary Coleman: For Safety’s Sake, or Barbie & The Rockers: Out Of This World fit in amongst films like C.H.U.D. and Ninja Blacklist. Lame, obscure comedies like the Jerry Lewis vehicle Don’t Raise The Bridge, Lower The River and Going Ape (featuring Taxi-era Tony Danza and Danny DeVito) also feel slightly out of place, but the inclusion of such mainstream oddities does add to the feel of meticulously going through a very picked-over video rental section. Boyreau’s choices sometimes illuminate how poorly the video companies understood their audience; the car chase classic Vanishing Point features a portrait of stars Barry Newman and Charlotte Rampling walking along a beach. There isn’t a car to be found anywhere on the box! The back cover’s no help either, as it features a list of other titles available from the distributor in lieu of a plot description. The inclusion of selections like this help to create an overall portrait of the shaky first steps of an art form (and, eventually, a multi-million dollar industry) in its infancy. Portable Grindhouse celebrates the sleazy kick of killing time in a slightly crappy video rental store, minus the inevitable arguments about what to rent or the possibility of your VCR eating the tape.

Archie Sunday: The Gang Debates a Serious Issue

It's 1971, are you sure you don't want to debate the Vietnam War? The Civil Rights movement? Feminism? No? Okay, hot pants it is.

Next up: the Fantastic Origin of Jimmy Olsen's Freckles!

I've known for a long time that the trend for making sure that every tiny aspect of a given super-hero has been canonically explained isn't exactly new - I'm sure that if bow ties had gone out of style before the Silver Age was done then we'd have even more explanations for why Barry Allen wears one - but I think that this one, from Superboy No 8, 1950, is both the earliest and most ridiculous that I've ever seen:

Not this part: though it is pretty ridiculous it does make sense to justify the fact that Superbaby wears a cape if you plan on writing a lot more Superbaby stories.

I will refrain from questioning the sanity of any decision that would result in more Superbaby in the world. It's done and that's that. All we can do is try to forgive the past.

No, this is what I was talking about. An origin for Superman standing with his arms folded.

An origin of Superman standing with his arms folded.

*crushing despair*

Fun with Romance Comics: A Confusing Lesson in Morality

The stories in romance comics tend to function as life lessons that teach young ladies how to behave properly in relationships. There's usually an undercurrent of right-wing moral bullying, like an episode of Dr. Phil. I just don't follow this one:

Is it supposed to be ironic? Like, "if you're trying to shock a guy with a crazy revealing outfit, then the joke's on you, girl, because any dude will be all over that"? Or is this comic seriously suggesting that a mesh shirt is the answer to your problems if you're dating a boring ol' banker's son? Is this the hippest, sexiest strip ever to be printed in an issue of For Lovers Only? You decide.

John Buys Comics - New Years Resolution Complete!

Welcome back to John Buys Comics in the year 2010, the most futuristic-sounding actual year yet. I must say, I’m somewhat relieved to be reviewing single issues again after the whole “Best of” marathon. So much easier than summarizing entire series.

Red Robin No. 8

I’ve been waffling back and forth on this title for its entire lifespan, but I’ve also bought all eight issues and looking at them together I reckon that I quite like it. Check it: Tim Drake now has a costume all his own and consequently a chance to develop a Batman-separate identity. Of course the costume is fourth hand by way of Dick Grayson and Jason Todd, and the “finding your own vigilante path” thing is very Nightwing, but that’s a part of the fun, as Tim is being presented as a synthesis of all of the bad-asses that have had a part in training him over the years. Plus, who can hate a group of spider-themed super-villains, even if one of them is named “Sac”?

Doom Patrol No 6

Dang, man.

So, the Doom Patrol is one of my Silver Age loves, of the kind that many nerds hold deep in their hearts; a second- or third-tier character or team that appeals to them on some primal level and has - of course - been redefined and mistreated and torn down and built up over the years. For me, it’s the Metal Men, the Legion of Super-Heroes, Metamorpho and the Doom Patrol.

And man, has the Doom Patrol had a lot of ups and downs: blown up in the Sixties, revived and Eighties-fied to dismal effect, Morrisoned (some of his best stuff, I swear), disbanded, slick and shiny Nineties-fied, Byrned (some of his worst stuff, I swear) and now Giffened. That is a lot of very divergent history that was pretty much explicitly stated to all be in-continuity back in Infinite Crisis (thanks, Superboy-Prime!). So what’s a nerd to believe? Does Negative Man being dead and then being a Russian Woman and then a hermaphrodite made out of two people and then a leather man all fit together?

Turns out that it does! And in such a way that none of the older stories are explicitly thrown out the window! Good job, Giffen!

Orc Stain No 1

NEAT.

First: this is a nice looking comic, the kind that’s full of insane amounts of detail without, you know, looking like ass. And in colour! What’s more, colour that looks very good on the non-glossy paper that it’s printed on. James Stokoe, who looks to be the sole creative force behind this thing, has done good.

As for the story, well, that’s great too. A lot of folks since Tolkein have taken his vision of elves and ran with it, and a lot of those people have written some very poor stories. Orcs, however, food-, sex- and violence-obsessed, chaotic, rude, unkempt orcs… well, maybe I’ve just been lucky but I’ve never read anything from the orc’s point of view that hasn’t been a good time. Orc Stain looks to be following in that tradition, featuring a nameless orc thief who’s shortly going to be embroiled in the militaristic ambitions of the up-and-coming orcish emperor, the Orctzar. All this and a crazy-style fantasy setting? I am very into this.

Stumptown No. 2 - As with so many other genres, mystery stories in comic books are usually either fantastic or absolutely terrible. I’m so glad that this series is the former.

Blackest Night No. 6 (of 8) - I know, it came out last week. I swear I woulda picked it up if I hadn’t been so a) full b) poor and c) lazy. Anyway, exactly one thing happened in this issue, which was each member of the All-Lantern Corps deputizing a super-hero or super-villain to help out, so now there are gonna be 14 people vs. seven billion Black Lanterns, instead of only 7. The odds are falling, folks!

B.P.R.D.: King of Fear No 1 - *sniiiiiifffffff* Ahhhhhh. Just smell that beautiful first BPRD of 2010. And such a Johnathan-pleasing story, too, with Lobster Johnson, those little troglodyte guys from Hollow Earth and Austrian-style romance for Kate! Delicious.

Batman Confidential No. 40 - Man, I was pretty much done with this series after that terrible last story. But then I was like, “Ooo, pretty Sam Keith art!” and I bought it. But jeeze… when did Sam Keith get so damned melodramatic? Batman’s ears had better be four feet high on the cover of issue 41.

World of New Krypton No. 12 - So yeah, I’ve been buying and enjoying this all along. It’s fun to read about Superman operating outside of his normal environment, after all. Like a lot of series that I enjoy, it’s consistent enough that I really don’t have something new to say every time. This time, though, well, just look at that cover:

 

Firstly, ‘Rumble in Kandor!’ is a great title. Secondly, Superman and Adam Strange are shooting each other <<adorable>> “We’re about to have a team up!” faces. Huzzah!

Sweet Tooth No. 5 - Oh hell. This book is going to get a lot more depressing, isn’t it. Well, you can't get rid of me that easily, Lemire - bring on all the crazy medical experimentation and such that you want, I'll just keep coming back for more!

Okay, see you later.

Battle for the Cowl in 30 Seconds

The time has come once again for Chris Sims to take a week off, and so once again he has initiated his annual contest!

Accordingly, this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And that's that.

Whoops, some of the images got a bit squished - click the wide ones for full size.

Oh. what the hell - might as well ride Chris' coattails a bit and mention my own super-cool micro-contest. Only 25 days left!