This Week's Haul: New and Improved Aquaman, Super Hero Crushes and Mad Scientists

I've decided not to change the title of my weekly new comic reviews from "This Week's Haul" because I can't think of a better one. Also, I've already been tagging the old posts using that. But I have added a subtitle, which I think jazzes it up nicely.

The theme of this week's new comics is Getting My Money's Worth, because I certainly did.

Spider-Man Loves Mary-Jane #16

New artist on this one, and we were all a little scared of that, but...

...he did good. David Hahn totally won me over with his drawings of Firestar:

Realism! That's how a tight costume would look on a young girl! You rule, David!

I love this comic sooooo much. Mary-Jane is with Harry, and Spider-Man is hanging out with Firestar, and Peter Parker is getting the cold shoulder from Gwen and Mary-Jane...oh the teen drama!

The Spirit #4

I have been waiting a long time to see this awesome cover somewhere other than the internet. Soooo nice.

I can't even think coherently about this series because I love it so much. It just keeps getting better and better, which is insane because the first issue was perfect.

One coherent thought: I love that the narration was Satin's, and that she repeatedly noted the dreaminess of The Spirit. But her narration was so tough that it lead you believe it was actually The Spirit talking for the whole first page.

Man this comic is fun. And Dave Stewart really works his magic on this one, with awesome washed-out colouring in the desert.

If you're not reading this series, you're just crazy.

The Brave and the Bold #2

Everybody earns their money with this issue. George Perez crams an unbelievable amount of art on every page. It's not just the cover. I believe that man could draw the entire DCU onto a grain of rice if he needed to. Bob Wacek had a whole lotta inking to do on this. Mark Waid has to put words in the mouths of two of DC's most famous self-involved chatterboxes, and he succeeds with witty banter and fun quips throughout. There is a hell of a lot of colour in this book , so kudos to Tom Smith, and my wrist hurt just looking at all the lettering that needed to be done. Well done, Rob Leigh!

Green Lantern and Supergirl. As it turns out, not a bad combo at all. Kara keeps flirting with Hal, Hal keeps reminding himself that Kara is 17. And that's gross, but also funny because it's Hal. Please go for it, Hal, just so I can watch Superman clean the floor with you.

Supergirl looked better than usual in this book. That's what you get when Perez is drawing, I guess. I will always hate that costume, but this was the best I'd seen it look.

Next on deck: Batman and Blue Beetle. We got a taste in this issue, but I really can't wait for more.

Detective Comics #830

Last we left our heroes, Batman was wearing an ill-fitting suit, Robin was sticky, and a terrorist was going to blow up Wayne Tower. Stuart Moore has been filling-in for Paul Dini for these two issues, and he did a decent job. This issue had some exciting moments. Bruce talking Tim through the removal of the blasting cap that was stuck in the plastic explosives covering Tim's body. The cap could be detonated at any moment, but they were both totally cool under the pressure. I like how the story has them only able to communicate though radio even though they are in the same building. It' s a tense little story. Good stuff.

I think I do like Andy Clarke's art. I was trying to decide on the last issue. It's very clean, but there's nice detail where detail needs to be. And this page is really nice:

Justice Society of America #4

What's this? A cover with a sense of humour from Alex Ross? Delicious!

I'll be interested to know why exactly Wildcat has a son who can actually turn into a wildcat. I am sure that he is interested himself. Until then, I'm just going to assume there's a good explanation and enjoy Ted bonding with his son.

This was another good issue. Another giant fight against Nazis. This series has been great at balancing the old characters and the new in a way that makes me care about all of them.

I'd like to give special attention to Dale Eaglesham's version of Powergirl. For Powergirl, she is downright presentable.

I mean, I've accepted that Powergirl is never going to be sensibly dressed, but that is a relatively small boob window she's sporting in this series. I also really like her very cute haircut and her loose-fitting, diagonal belt. I'd like to see her in some pants. I think pants suit her more, and kind of balance out the boob window, but I guess she's not supposed to be toned down.

Anyway, she certainly looks better when drawn by Eaglesham than by, oh, say...Michael Turner:
Oy.

52: Week 46

Revenge of the nerds!!! Black Adam heads to Oolong Island to hunt down the team of mad scientists who are responsible for killing his family. The result? Black Adam gets served!
First of all, let's acknowldge, because it's easy to forget, how awesome it is that, in 52, we got to see DC's mad scientist all-stars piled together on an island building doomsday devices.

And then we get to see them beat up on a superhero/villain/misunderstood strong guy:

Grand! Well done, Morrison!

Then we get some sort of closure (I assume...I hope...) to the whole Luthor/Steel fiasco, with help from Clark "I wish I could fly" Kent. And, in other news, Atom Smasher wants to help.

Also, there is an origin story for this fellow named Batman, who sounds like quite the hero indeed! I must look into this brave young man and his essential story lines.

Aquaman: Sword of Atlantis #50

So, I didn't read much of the Busiek run on Aquaman, but I am familiar with what was going on. This was a nice big comic. It cost over a dollar more than usual, but I definitely felt I got my money's worth. It's a really fun read, and I would say a good place to start reading Aquaman if you're at all interested. I don't know much about Tad Williams , the new writer, because I don't read many fantasy comics, but the writing was great and I think Aquaman, being set under the sea and all, lends itself well to fantasy-style storytelling. There is no end to the creatures you can invent, or the landscapes.

I like the introduction of Topo:

He's not your grandmother's octopus friend! He's a whole new breed of octo-pal!

Alright, Aquaman. You've got my attention. I'm looking forward to the next issue.

Oh, Aaron, Let's Make a Film...

So we have our Harvey Dent for the upcoming Batman movie, and it's Aaron Eckhart.

I basically have no opinion of this man, other than the fact that his name sounds a lot like Aaron Echolls creeps me out due to the amount of Veronica Mars I've been watching lately. And he looks a lot like Harry Hamlin to boot. So I'll probably never be able to think that he's not a psychopath. Which is good...what with him becoming Two-Face and all.

I do have this to say about him: he's about 40. Which is probably too old for a young DA starting up in Gotham. I like the idea of a 20-something year old actor getting the role a lot better.

There has also been some bizarre Dark Knight casting: the Rachel Dawes character will be returning, but this time played by Maggie Gyllenhaal. That's an improvement, but it's also...why bother? Just cut the character. He really doesn't need a love interest that badly.

But these are minor quibbles. I seriously can't wait for this movie.

This Week's Haul

Alright, I'm gonna try something new here. I'm going to do what the blog title implies and start writing about my new comic book purchases each week. Unfortunately for me, this week happens to be a rather large haul.

Anyway, here they are in the order that I read them:

Captain America #25

Would you believe I made it through eight hours of a ten hour shift at a comic shop on a Wednesday before I learned the big spoiler for this issue? Then someone came in, grabbed the issue, and said "Is this the one where he dies?" I was like "What?" And he turns to the last page and says "Yep. It is." Noooooooooooo!!! I just started to like Captain America! We were going to be together forever, Steve! This was going to be the week where I start buying your book on a regular basis! And you go and die on me?! Bad manners, Steve.
I guess I'll have to focus on that dreamy Winter Soldier. Mmmm...younger, darker...more bionic.
I give this comic a thumbs up. It was definitely a good read and had more than one big surprise in it.

Detective Comics #829

Ok, first of all: ewwwwwww!!! That cover is so wrong for so many reasons! I love how Batman is skipping into the room.
Beyond the cover, I couldn't decide if I liked Andy Clarke's art or not. I still don't know. I do know that I like it more than Don Kramer's art in the previous Detective run, but that's not saying much. Little things can really bother me, like...I refuse to believe that Bruce Wayne wouldn't be wearing a more fitted suit:

And since the whole story is about how he can't change into his Batman costume, we can assume that he's not wearing it underneath, and thus there is no reason for him to be wearing that ill-fitting off-the-rack affair.
The story is alright. Batman and Robin (in a red-breasted tuxedo...cute) have to save everyone inside the Wayne Tower from a terrorist without being too obvious about their secret identity. Oh, and the terrorist shoots plastic explosives out of a gun, so THAT'S what Robin is covered in on the cover. Still, though, did it have to be dripping off his chin?!

52: Week 44

No word on poor Ralph Dibny's status in this issue. Please don't be dead, Ralph. This issue is Black Adam family-centric, and that's cool. The end seems to be in sight for his character's storyline. Ditto with Montoya.
Probably the most exciting thing for me in this issue was the inside back cover ad for Countdown promising a search for Ray Palmer. Yay!

Superman/Batman #32

Oh dear. Can't these two just get along?
Again, I don't know what I think of the art in this book, this time by Matthew Clark and Ron Randall. Sometimes it looked kinda good. Sometimes it looked all messy. I don't know how I feel about this storyline, either. I was kinda into the idea in general, of all the aliens being turned against Earth, but I think the fact that Superman was "cured" by remembering that he's in love with Lois was pretty damn lame. I actually threw up a little. And why the hell was Lobo in the book? Seriously, it was the most pointless and random cameo ever. Was it just to add an action figure to the next Superman/Batman toy series?
I don't know if you've picked up on this now from reading this blog, but my love for both Batman and Superman is infinite. So this should be my favourite book, right? It really isn't, and that bothers me. From the beginning it's been letting me down on a weekly basis. It's not terrible, it's just not great. Why can't it be great?!

Justice League of America #6

I chose the Adam Hughes cover over the Michael Turner cover because it's the lesser of two evils. Plus I like to support any decision to put a speech bubble on a cover. And, I'll say this for Hughes, this cover really isn't as gross as it could have been. And I've certainly seen worse Black Canary covers:

Like all previous issues of JLA, I liked this comic a lot. It had two big ass battles in it and both were awesome. Plus I always enjoy how Meltzer peppers his narration with fun facts about science and nature. You can really learn a lot from Brad Meltzer. This week I learned about tornadoes, falcons, organ failure, and how to defeat a robot who has the combined powers of the entire Justice League.
My only real complaint is Wonder Woman's shorts, which, once again, are lacking:

Sigh.

Midnighter #5

Ah, Midnighter. I saved you because I love you so much. Midnighter has consistently been my favourite series since it started. It's a lot of fun, and it's totally possible to enjoy it even if you never read a single page of Authority comics. Midnighter is oft called a Batman rip-off, but it's really more of a tribute. Plus, he's Batman + Wolverine + Punisher multiplied by awesome plus gay. This book looks great, is completely entertaining, and has lead me to say "holy crap!" outloud while reading more often than most books. (This week I said it at least three times). I also laugh out loud pretty frequently while reading it. Midnighter, I know you don't like girls, but if you ever change your mind about that...or about being fictional...I am totally waiting for you.

The Authority #2

And onto Authority, for this week I get a double shot of my baby's love (my baby being Midnighter. Keep up).
Yes, it's been, what, two years since the last issue of this came out? I don't even remember what happened last time. But who cares? Grant Morrison + Gene Ha = quality. I can tell this is going to get awesome. It's already pretty damn fun.
Can someone answer me this because I'm too lazy to check: have they always bleeped out the swearing in the Authority comics? I was sure that they were leaving it in. But it's all bleeped in this one. Boooo. But yay for putting all the ads in the back so Ha's amazing art isn't interrupted by that damn Final Fantasy quiz ad (although, I also noticed that there are only two ads in the whole book that aren't for DC. Aw. No one wants to advertise in Authority? Sounds like Wildstorm needs a plucky young advertising sales rep. I just so happen to have my resume handy...).

Shazam! The Monster Society of Evil #2

Aw, man. Is this really only going to last 4 issues? I am so in love with this book. It should be at least as long as, say, Omac. Oh well.
Yep, I don't even know what to say. Looks great. Seriously fun. Seriously funny. And totally adorable. And the aligator monsters yelling "We've lost! Quick! Eat the children!" is definitely one of my favourite comic book quotes in recent memory. This comic is doing everything right. Well done, Mr Smith.

Scalped #3

And we go from totally adorable to totally...not.

I figured it was about time that I get on on the ground floor with a Vertigo title, so I've been picking up Scalped since the first issue. Despite an over-reliance on creative profanity, this is a really good read. I don't really have much to say about it, other than I feel that it's going to keep getting better as it goes on. And, seriously, the apparent need of writer Jason Aaron to come up with cool new R-rated insults only distracts from the high quality of the story. Like, yeah. I had a Scarface poster in my dorm room too, Aaron.

So that about does it for this week. I didn't pick up Jonah Hex because I buy that in trade format. I'm sure it's great, though.

Exactly How Much Free Time Does Batman Have?

If you answered 'a lot,' you are correct.

Local comic book kingpin, Cal Johnston, was kind enough to give me a copy of Superman Annual no. 9 because he knows I love nothing more than an elaborate Batman prank played on Superman.

This is a well-timed gift because I have been wanting to post about one of my favourite comics of all-time, Action Comics no. 241, anyway. Now I have a nice little theme going.

You may recognize this story from Showcase Presents Superman vol. 1. It's really the greatest. It opens with Superman writing in his giant, metal diary with his heat vision (even though later in the same comic he says that he scratches his diary entries into the metal pages with his fingernails, which...yiiii. I can't even think about that. It makes my teeth curl).

We get to see a whole lot of the fortress of solitude in this issue, which is excellent. We learn that Batman isn't the only superhero with plenty of time to waste on ridiculous shit. Granted, Superman's hobbies are a little nicer.

I love Clark's face in those panels. So grim. As if he's thinking "You'll get that car soon enough, Jimmy. When you die. Next week."

But what is he thinking about, really? Why the lovely and elaborate gifts he's making for his pals.

Wait. Roll back. Jimmy gets the sports car...when Superman dies?! Huh? Why can't he just have it when it's finished? And how would anyone be able to get Jimmy the car in the event of Superman's death? It's in the Fortress of Damn Solitude!
Also, I don't know if Batman necessarily needs that robot detective machine thing, but the thought is nice. And I like that Superman says that Batman is the one person he can trust with all his secrets. Too bad that's gonna bite him in the ass in a minute.

Because our hero finds this message!

Freaky! And there's more!

Yes, the mystery intruder is fiendishly finishing Superman's psychedelic crappy, crappy paintings. I should clarify that the only thing the mystery man added to the painting was the crystal structures. So the Grinch hands coming out of the ground and that hairy pile of soft serve against the yellow sky? Supe painted those. But it's the crystals that make the thing "weird--utterly weird!" Whatever, Superman. Anyway, he's so broken up about it that he immediately plays some chess against a robot. He beats the robot, and then...

Oh. Right. Intruder. Important.

This whole ordeal starts to wear down the Man of Steel's sanity, which is good for no one. He has comical nightmares:

And generally does some sloppy hero work because he is distracted. Boy, whoever is doing this to him is a cruel, cruel individual.

Finally all is revealed when Superman gets trapped by some kryptonite and an avalanche.

Oh, Batman! You jackass! Now look what you've done. You may as well fill us in as you both wait for death.

Eat it, Batman! Superman's been in the kitchen all day cookin' up a big batch of YOUR OWN MEDICINE with a side of DEM APPLES. How you like 'em, Batman?

As an aside, I think it was an extra kick in the nuts for Batman to melt down that statue of himself. Superman worked hard on that. Don't be surprised when the next one that Superman makes of you has ACNE, Batman, you big jerk.

Now these last few panels are comepletely adorable:

There is so much that rules about the above panels.

1. Batman goes shopping in full Batman costume for a gift for Superman.
2. "Thanks, Batman. You really scared the hell out of me." "You, too, buddy. Now let's go have some cake."
3. THAT CAKE! First of all...when did Batman bake it? It would have to be at least a week old because he's been hiding in the Fortress all that time. And since when did Batman bake? And how cute does Batman look, hands behind his back, all "I baked it myself!" And why is it so big?! Superman is a normal-sized person. He doesn't need a giant cake any more than he needs a giant diary. Where did Batman even bake it? And how did he move it into the Batcave? Where did he get that giant knife? Did he carve those candles himself? Does it concern anyone that if someone saw that cake they would know Superman's secret identity? I hate to break it to Batman, but Superman obviously would need super-strength to cut that cake because of the giant knife and all. Did Batman make that banner himself? Is Superman going to blow out those candles? Would that destroy the cake? Did they just hang out all night after this, eating several metric tons of cake and perhaps cracking a few beers? Could that be made into a movie?

Alright, enough about that. Let's fast forward a few decades and look at Annual no 9 from 1983. Here we see another elaborate Bat-prank, this time even weirder. It's only two pages long, so here's the whole thing:

Ok, so that was weird. Bruce Wayne bothered to get himself a convincing Italian hotdog vendor costume, and a hotdog cart. Then he bothered to set it all up in Metropolis in the hopes that Clark Kent would stop by for a dog. Then he decided to throw on a jarringly stereotypical Italian American accent. And what is the punchline of this prank? To make Superman think his hotdog costs $72.50. Well, that's...awesome. What a tremendous amount of effort to go through.

I know there is some debate as to whether or not Batman is mentally stable, but I offer both of these comics as pretty strong evidence that he is not.

Review of Heroic Codes, by Johnathan

Here's a fun and widely-known fact: Superman and Batman don't kill, because Batman saw his parents horribly murdered in front of his eyes and Superman's a good guy about stuff like that. That's why the Joker and Lex Luthor are still running around: Superman and Batman just do not kill.

Oops. Except vampires, apparently. And intelligent machine entities. And monsters, space-dwelling sentient clouds and the occasional alien. Superman and Batman don't kill humans. Which is bullshit. It's the same sort of logic that shows up in fantasy novels all the time, where the hero spends most of the narrative carving up hopelessly outclassed members of supposedly 'evil' races like goblins only to get all moral and hesitant when his (or her, but usually his) opponent is another human, no matter how demonstrably evil. To me it smacks of crypto-racism - I'm sure that if I were still in university I'd be gearing up for an essay that mentions the Other a lot (with maybe a hint of the ol' Male Gaze, just for variety). I mean, *why* do we not kill other people, when you get right down to it? Because they're self-aware entities, just like we are, and if that's enough to save the Joker from your Bat-Wrath then you shouldn't be so damn casual about ripping off those vampire heads, Bruce. And Clark.

NOT APPROVED

Batman #663: It's hard to say if it's sad or if it's funny...

I finally got around to reading this thing last night:

It's four things:

1. Weird
2. Ugly
3. Gross
4. Confusing

The writing was...fine...but this was...not...what I like to read. It was lacking...a comic book.

I don't know how you felt about Arkham Asylum, but I did not like it. I guess I only like my Batman stories to be marginally disturbing and dream-like.

The real shame is that this "comic" seems to be chronicling an important event, but we don't get to see any of it. Instead we see this:

Which kind of looks like it's missing something. Like, say, this:

Grant Morrison is a great writer, and there are some good lines and interesting parts of this novella. I'm also impressed that he had time to pump out this much text considering how many books he's writing right now. I'm not against experimentation, but I am against...this. I think it's at least 80% artwork that makes me dislike this. But not entirely because I did find myself repeatedly flipping to see how many pages I had left to read.

Overall...didn't this whole thing just smack of the 90s? Anyone?