Fun With Batman

Phew. I'm done with photo posts for awhile. Let's get back to what really matters: hilarious Batman panels.

This panel just gets funnier and funnier the more I look at it:

Batman takes time to do the little things:

Wait. That's the clock in the Batmobile?! It's a dial clock!

In case what you're wondering what Rule Number One is for Batman:

1. Don't daydream while driving the Batmobile, causing yourself to be nearly wrapped around a pole.

2. Don't talk about being Batman.

3. Avenge parents.

Alright, get ready to cry:

Doctor?! Doctor of what?! That does not look like proper medical treatment.

Man, I like to think that, even if he saw his parents again, Batman wouldn't call them Mommy and Daddy. His parents look a little horrified by it.

Ooo! Heroes is on in an hour! I hope this is one where those Petrelli brothers finally just give in and make out with each other.

This Week's Haul: The Mother Load!

Oh I'm in a good mood. It's a great week for comic fans. Spider-Man 3 opens (I've got my midnight ticket for tonight!), it's Free Comic Book Day on Saturday, and EVERY GOOD COMIC EVER came out this week. Like, seriously, more comics came out this week that I wanted to read than any other week ever. There's no way I'll be able to write about all of them. I'll just say right now that Avengers: The Initiative #2 was really great. I think it's going to be a really fun series. Especially if you like teens with superpowers. And I do. Jonah Hex #19 was also excellent. So was Hellboy. And I haven't gotten to read either of the Hulk comics yet. I probably wouldn't have much to say about them anyway.

Better get started. Several new additions to the line-up this week.

52: Week 52

Nothing makes you realize how quickly a year goes by like a weekly comic series. I can't believe it's over already.

This issue was crazy. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little confused. I'm glad that big dumb Booster Gold was along for the ride. I didn't feel alone when I kept thinking "huh?"

It was a good conclusion. A clever conclusion. And now we have a brand new mysterious "megaverse." I was really happy that Booster and Skeets saved the day. And I loved Rip Hunter saying "this moment is remembered as the beginning of Booster Gold's glory years." Yay! And I get to witness them!

This was so rad:

And Skeets didn't even really die! Magnus made a new one! Everything is awesome!

Of course, what I really loved, is the scene between Booster and Ted Kord. Did anyone else cry all over their comic?

And I guess Ralph Dibny really is very dead. I am sad. But this panel was so very sweet:

He had a good death. I guess I can find comfort in that.

Oh, and Batwoman is still alive. We'll see how I feel about that as time goes on.

Good job, Team 52! It was a fun ride! I look forward to Countdown!

Green Lantern #19

A new addition to the Living Between Wednesdays weekly haul. I finally go caught up on this delightful series. It's totally the Harlequin Romance Novel of comics. Every issue I'm just like "Oooo...who is Hal going to be making out with this time? And what will his hair look like?" As ridiculous as Star Sapphire and her amazing glowing vagina looks, it does kind of work with the story. I mean. No. The costume is horrible and they could have done a lot better designing it, but I can overlook it because the comic is so fun. I love that one of Hal's greatest enemies is an alien sex goddess who wants only to mate with him and spawn. She leaps into the bodies of human females that he's into, in hopes of attracting him, but that's, like totally exhausting because he likes a different woman every day. That is very funny.

And the art has been solid throughout the series. I love Daniel Acuna's work on these last couple of issues. Very pretty. And I love this:

Zing!

I also love that Carol asks Hal to make her a suit with his ring and he makes this little number:

Oh, Hal.

Superman #662

I could look at Pacheco's art all day. It was a really good week for art in a lot of comics. This Busiek/Pacheco run is going to make for some excellent-looking trades. And I think the story will flow really nicely when it's all collected. There are a lot of details to remember, and it's been going on for a long time now, so sometimes I have a hard time keeping track of what's going on. Or maybe it's just because I am staring at the pretty pictures and not paying attention:

Sooo prettty...

Actually, I was paying attention at least a little. This little scene between Superman and a man he met in a vision of the future shown to him by Arion the sorcerer was really good:

I love the little piece of narration there. Very funny. I like Busiek's Superman voice a lot.

The All-New Atom #11

I also picked up the All-New Atom trade this week because this series rules. Gail Simone has created a fantastic nerdy, funny hero who effectively eases my pain as I mourn the absence of Ray Palmer. In this issue we get to see him being funny:

...and dreamy:

And next: the hunt for Ray Palmer begins! I think it speaks volumes about how good this series is that I am kind of thinking "Maybe he could stay missing...just a little longer?" I don't want Ryan Choi to be the new Kyle Rayner.

Detective Comics #832

Fill-in! Ok, I've made a decision about Andy Clarke's artwork, which I was on the fence about previously. It's really good. This issue looked fantastic. It was well-written too. And it was a Terrible Trio story, which is rare and an interesting choice.

Look at these pages!

Lovely! Even the alternating blue and green borders are very aesthetically pleasing. Here's another stunner:

A+. I also liked Bruce Wayne's fierce sideburns:

Not bad at all!

The Sensational Spider-Man Annual #1

Oh man, speaking of excellent artwork, this comic was really beautiful. Not just the art, either. It was just a really nice book about a really nice love story. I read it right after Spider-Man Loves Mary-Jane, which was perfect. It's a nice re-telling of the history of their relationship that ties into current continuity. I can't stress enough that it was really good. And you know how I feel about Spider-Man these days.

Of course, he isn't usually so dreamy:

There are some really great-looking flash back scenes like this one:

So nice!

And, like I said, the writing was fantastic. Very witty and fun and heartfelt. I really loved this scene:

Man, annuals are great.

Runaways #26

All caught up on this one too! Yay! I'm very glad because this issue was totally awesome. Whedon really is rocking this thing in the way that he rocks everything (and I didn't even watch Buffy).

Ok, seriously. Is anything funnier than The Punisher getting punched in the stomach by a super-strong little girl?

The answer is no. Except maybe the aftermath:

I love the Punisher War Journal commentary running thoughout the scene. Especially when he says "Punisher War Journal: Hhhhhhh..." after getting punched. Comedy gold, people.

Molly is funny:

And Chase is funny:

Very funny:

This series rules.

Scalped #5

This was my favourite issue of Scalped yet. Really great. I loved getting some of the back story, and learning about Agent Nitz's plans for Dash. Plus, it was crazy raunchy as usual, and just really, really good.

Shazam and the Monster Society of Evil #3

Oh man. I can't believe there's only one issue left of this series. Twelve more! Please! A hundred more! It's perfect!

Monsters!

Adorable Captain Marvel and plucky Mary Marvel!

Sexy groping!

God that's really funny. And maybe a little creepy.

I also really liked this scene with the helicopters because it totally looks like the helicopters themselves are talking:

Helicopter body language!

Man, so good.

Spider-Man Loves Mary-Jane #18

I can't stand how cute Firestar and Spider-Man are. In this issue she decides to take their relationship to the next level, which, in superhero terms, means to take the mask off:

Awww. She lives in Jersey.

Spidey's not so into how fast things are moving:

How can anyone not love this series? It's not possible I tell you!

Midnighter #7

The thing about Midnighter is that he is gay, and has a husband, but the Authority comics have always kind of downplayed it. In a positive way. It's never been gratuitous. The character happens to be gay, but that's not all he is. I respect that, and I think it's great. But I also respect opening a comic with this page:

Oh, Brian K Vaughan. You come on to write one issue and you just...rule...so much. I said there were a million good comics this week, and there were, but this might actually be my pick of the week. And not just because of that first page. The detail to pay attention to there is actually in the top left corner. The End. This entire comic, as a way of playing with Midnighter's ability to calculate every possibly outcome of any situation in advance, is told completely backwards. You can read it either way and it's still a great issue. But by reading it front to back (which is actually back to front), you get all sorts of clever jokes. It's really a lot of fun. Page five we see a badguy say "Holy God! Did you see what he just did to Boyson?" and on page six...we see what Midnighter did to Boyson. Holy God.

Page 14 we have a woman begging Midnighter for her life. On page 19 she confidently says to Midnighter "I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to defiling your corpse."

Midnighter rules. And so does Brian K Vaughan.

Astonishing X-Men #21

Oh man! This comic came out this week too??!! What a time to be alive!

More Whedon rocking the house. Being hilarious.

Cyclops made a funny!

I loved all of the conversations between Scott and Emma in the fighter plane. I love Colossus trying to deal with being a messiah. I love Beast's bickering with Agent Braind:

Speaking of "Oh my," how about that sexy scene between Kitty and Colossus? Hot stuff! I love those two.

Phew! Done! Enjoy Spidey 3 everyone! I'll try to get some more Free Comic Book previews up tomorrow. It's been a very busy week.

Batman Shopping!

My pal Mike Drake has a pal named Mairin Prentiss and she took these pictures in NYC:

So awesome.

I've never been to New York, but I have to say that a city where a man can dress in a full Batman suit and go shopping without turning a single head...well, it's clearly the greatest place on Earth.

So, what do you think Batman was shopping for? A present for Superman, maybe?

Random Bits of Awesomeness

Guess what I ate today?

Cookies baked by Steve Rude!

And yes, it was as awesome as it sounds.

Now for something important: I don't know what we, as a fandom, need to do to get DC to make this happen, but this comic, pitched by J. Bone, needs to happen. The name? DCU, as in DC University. You have to check it out at his blog. It would seriously be the greatest thing ever. I mean, look at this:

And now go look at his blog:

DCU!

Alright. You guys check that out. I'm going to go back to reading a big pile of Jim Starlin Batman comics. Because nobody rocks a Friday night like me. I might turn it into a private drinking game. Every time Batman does anything AWESOME, drink! Man, I would be so drunk so fast. I mean...look at this:

Batman totally stuffed that guy into a wall...backwards! Look at him! And then Batman's all "So, anyway..."

God damn, I love Batman.

This Week's Haul: Amazons Go 300 on Your Ass!

First of all, an announcement: I have officially removed Superman/Batman from my pull list. Think about that. Me. I will no longer be buying a comic called Superman/Batman. That is so wrong I don't even know where to start. I've been buying it since the beginning. 34 issues of mediocrity. PLEASE fix this series, DC. I know I am not the only one dropping it. (One shots, one shots, one shots, one shots...)

And now on to this week's comics, which, sadly, were mostly a little...meh.

Catwoman #66

I'm always happy when there's a new Catwoman book, but this one was kinda dull. It's a bridge issue, ending the last story line and starting a new one. It mostly centered around a ridiculous new villain named Blitzkrieg, who, admittedly, was supposed to be ridiculous. It was pretty satisfying seeing that jerk-off cop get his head chopped off, though. And I am looking forward to more Hammer and Sickle. And Calculator.

Wonder Woman #8
Team Dodson was back on the art, so the book was looking good. The issue set up Amazons Attack, so it was more interesting than usual. I haven't been hating on this series as much as most people, but I am confused about how it fits into the larger DCU. Like...I don't understand how this Wonder Woman can be the same Wonder Woman who is in the JLA. That doesn't really make sense. The way I see it, WW shouldn't be a member of the JLA...yet. It makes sense that she would be doing some soul-searching and taking a break from being a part of a team. I mean, it's nice that the other heroes got over themselves and let her into the league, but I wouldn't have minded her saying no.

Getting back to WW #8, like I said, it's more interesting than the past few issues have been because it ties into Amazons Attack. For one thing, we got to see WW kick some serious ass:

And dig a tunnel!! Rad!

And we saw some kinda forced sexual tension between our girl and Nemesis. I mean, it's Wonder Woman. This guy is clearly not awesome enough for her:

I have a hard time believing that anyone who was molded from clay would have a birthmark. Maybe an artist's signature...

More sexual tension:

Hockey joke! I always appreciate that. It's clear that Nemesis does not follow hockey because...well, the Capitals are not winning the Stanley Cup anytime soon. And if they did, no one would care.

But I digress.

Let's see what happens when those Amazons attack!

Amazons Attack #1

Oh man. These ladies are HARDCORE. It starts with some Amazon soldiers randomly killing a father and son:

Daaaaaaamn.

Is it wrong that I kinda enjoy watching these women destroy Washington? I mean, in a fictional sense. Obviously I don't want a bunch of Amazons to really fly in on winged horses and slaughter all the men, but on paper...pretty cool.

I don't think you really have to be reading Wonder Woman to follow Amazons Attack. Especially since this attack is pretty damn sudden in WW. Plus, a lot of stuff gets repeated. But overall, Amazons Attack is a better read than Wonder Woman. Will Pfeifer is the man.

I like this scene:

I like to think that Batman completely misunderstands Steel. "I know exactly who you mean...Animal Man, right?"

Amazons are cool.

Action Comics #848
Sigh. Fill-ins. I mean...it wasn't terrible. It just wasn't very interesting. Especially since I would REALLY like to know what happens next in the Johns/Donner story. I feel for the fill-in writer because they have a tough job to do. It's like...Bruce Springsteen can't make it tonight, but here's Bryan Adams. Nobody is happy.

The art was alright, but, like, I dunno. I mean...this guy in the sweater is clearly Superman, y'know what I'm sayin'?

That's a very tight sweater.

So Superman goes to a small town to investigate this religion-based superpowered guy who has been killing lots of people (by accident, it seems). You can kind of tell who the superpowered dudes are in this little town. They kinda stand out, like in this church scene:

Soooo much bigger than anyone else in the church. That's gotta hurt the ol' secret identity.

And then scenes like this one just make me uncomfortable:

That's not usually how I stand when I fluff pillows. And, seriously, Superman looks like he's on the body building circuit. It's a little crazy-looking.

How long is this storyline?

52: Week 51

Well, this was pretty good. Animal Man is back! Yay!

Hilarious.

And Adam Strange got his sight back. Hooray! And Lobo killed that evil dolphin! And Skeets isn't evil, he's just been taken over...by the GROSSEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. I will not even post a picture of it here. I seriously couldn't look at it.

Here's a little fact about me: I hate Starfire. HATE her. She is so gross-looking, and so boring, and so over-used because she is basically naked. I really hope she's the one that dies (y'know, that whole thing where a character's death kicks off Countdown supposedly? Please be Starfire). So I really enjoyed this:

Ellen rules. Also: "Double DD's"?? Is that, like, double-double-Ds?

Is she dead?! Is she dead?! Is she dead?!

This was interesting:

Awwwwwww. It would have been better if Robin's new costume was half denim too.

One final thing about 52 this week: is Ralph Dibny dead for real? If he is, I am going to be very, very sad/angry. I assumed he wasn't really dead, but now I worry that he is. And if so, how dead is he? Green Arrow dead, or Bruce Wayne's parents dead? Please don't be dead, Ralph! I can't handle losing Ted and the Question and you!

Blue Beetle #14

A new addition to the Living Between Wednesdays weekly haul! I finally got caught up on this series, and just in time for this delightful Gardner-centric romp!

Unfortunately, I couldn't scan any of it because I borrowed it, but I would like to say that I loved Gardner's casual clothes. Especially the chain.

It took me awhile to pick up these comics because I was so pissed about Ted Kord being killed. I love that guy. Kind of the same reason why I wouldn't read the New Atom. But they are both really good series. Goes to show what you miss out on when you're a stubborn jerk.

Connor Hawke: Dragon's Blood #6

Mud wrestling! In dragon's blood!

Cue the porn music aaaaand...roll the clips!

And that's the end of that story! Wait...what was it about again? Connor not being gay or something?

Justice #11
Hal Jordan fans rejoice, because there was a whole lotta him in this issue. Lookin' fine.

My favourite thing about this issue is that Ralph Dibny survived being eaten by Clayface. Man, it was just really good to see him again...totally sane.

Sometimes I get confused about what's happening in Justice vs what's happening in DC continuity. And sometimes it's the same. Like...Captain Marvel defeating Black Adam and forcing him to become mortal again. It all looked very awesome:

Have we seen an Alex Ross rendition of John Stewart before this series? Because he looks awesome:

Here's some of that Hal Jordan radness I was talking about. I love how crazy he makes Sinestro:

"Shut the hell up!" Aw, he's just saying what we're all thinking.

This cracked me up:

Ha! Quote of the week.

And here's a page that I stared at for quite a long time:

I especially like Ralph Dibny in this picture. And the little Bat Family reunion.

Like most issues of this series, there were some totally confusing things, and way too much going on. But it all looked fantastic.

Justice Society of America #5

Ok, when I said my comics this week left me feeling kinda meh...I was not including JSA. This comic rocked. You got your dark, crazy Batman first half in Arkham, and you got your bright, cheerful Superman/very brief history of the Legion of Superheroes half in the Fortress.

Lots of great moments, like this one:

Is that a Meltzer dig? Probably not, but it should make all the fans who cry foul when the heroes call each other by their first names happy.

But, seriously. I love Starman and his craziness. And I loved this:

"I make things heavy!" Awww.

Also, there are a whole lot of Batmans in this issue. So there's some sweet Batman-on-Batman action:
Batmans!

I also just want to quickly mention that this gets my vote for creepiest panel of the week:

Ewww! Get away from Dream Girl, Skeletor Dr Destiny!

I am loving this cross-over. LOVING IT!

Outsiders Annual #1

I checked this out because I love annuals. As I read this I suddenly remembered that I don't care about The Outsiders. I love me some Roy and some Nightwing, but damn. This is pretty boring. Annuals should be funner than this. I haven't read Outsiders since Infinite Crisis, so there are probably people out there who will get more out of this than I did.

Fallen Son: The Death of Captain America #2 featuring The Avengers

I feel that this is a good idea for a series, and could potentially be very good, but the whole thing is very summer blockbuster. The all-star line-up of artists is great, and the cute way of making each issue a different stage of grief is neat, but overall...meh. I do want to say, because I don't think I mentioned it last time, that the lack of first-person narrative in Loeb's writing is refreshing and surprising. However...I dunno. I think I would have liked to see Bendis on this mini-series. It's just that...Loeb kinda came out of nowhere to do this. He wasn't working on any major Marvel titles leading up to, or during Civil War. He's on there because it sells issues, and it's kind of too bad because this series could probably be a whole lot better. Like, I am a very casual Marvel reader, and this series is too spelled-out to even hold my interest, y'know what I'm saying? It's all a little "I am The Thing. I like beer and poker." "I am Wolverine. I am a jerk with a good heart under my gruff exterior." "I am Spider-Man. I am emo and annoying."

Thumbs up on the McGuinness art, though. Very nice. And, of course, I bought his cover and not the Turner variant.

I gave Wolverine #53 a quick read, but it was so terrible I'm not even gonna bother reviewing it. And the next issue...Wolverine fights Sabertooth. Ok. They must know how ridiculous that is. It must be a joke, right? That every issue ends with the same preview of the next issue, more or less?

Rating the Super Hunks #3: Batman

I was going to hold off on this one, but I've decided that now was as good a time as any to rate Batman. Why not raise the bar a little? Hal could stand to be taken down a peg.

So here we go with this week's super hunk:

Batman, aka Bruce Wayne

Slippery guys are hard to nail.

Costume/Appearance:

It's hard to say that Batman's costume is sexy, exactly. If he's going to lose points, it's going to be here. I mean...it's got pointy ears. But he makes it work somehow. It's all about confidence. He believes he looks awesome, and therefore we believe he looks awesome. And confidence is the sexiest thing a man can wear (I think I read that in GQ).

He knows he looks good.

There have been a whole lot of variations on the Batsuit over the years. Is there one that is sexiest? As much as I love the grey and blues, the black and grey really is the more attractive suit. But I'm not here to get into a whole debate about what Batman's best outfit is. I'm here to rate him on a scale of one to forty based on how hunky he is.

He's swinging from a star.

Batman is in excellent shape. There aren't a lot of men who can pull off that look, but he works it with his hot body. Shame the mask covers his ruggedly handsome face. I think extra points should be awarded for the fact that he makes his own costumes and accessories.

And I do like those gloves.

And by 'ridiculous' he means 'amazing.

8/10

Alter-ego:

The only thing hotter than Batman is Bruce Wayne. You want to argue with me on that, you will lose. First of all, he's a billionaire. Secondly, he's sad inside. Thirdly, he's, like, the smartest person on Earth. And fourthly, he's, like, the hottest guy on Earth (not mentioned nearly enough in JLA profiles).

Patron of the arts.

Dark hair and blue eyes: always a solid combination. Add a square jaw and a perfect body, and you've got yourself a damn good-looking man.

Bruce Wayne has proven himself to be good with children, and makes a good father figure to younger heroes as well. Sure, there's that whole Jason Todd fiasco, but at least Bruce took a chance on the kid that was stealing his hubcaps. He's nice like that.

Bruce is a good actor. He has an array of costumes and can fool anyone. I admire that.

Now, personality-wise, yeah. Bruce is kind of...withdrawn. A little cranky. He's got some guilt issues to work out. He may walk the thin line between sane and totally nuts (though I believe he's closer to the sane side). One could even argue that he's taken the whole Batman thing a little far, but you're not gonna hear that argument from me.

I mean, look at how Bruce Wayne asks ladies out on dates:

"You'll have to speak up. I'm doing handstand push-ups."

And speaking of which, Bruce Wayne is a hit with the ladies across the globe. I like a superhero who takes time to get a little sugar.

Oui, oui.

Also: he can kick your ass. While drinking a mug of coffee. And he will not spill a drop.

10/10

Sexiness of Superpowers:

According to my packet of Batman Hot Chocolate, Batman's super power is that he has trained himself to the peak of human physical and mental perfection. I have no choice but to award that a...

10/10

"Oh, hello. I wasn't expecting company."

Day Job:

Bruce Wayne is a jet-setting billionaire industrialist and philanthropist. Sure, sometimes he goes a little crazy and uses his limitless funds to build things like, say, scary satellites that can kill people from space. And maybe sometimes those satellites turn against him. But when he's not doing that, he's just a sexy man who dresses well and has a big pile of money.

10/10

He's got ten more just like it.

Cons:

What? There is nothing wrong with Batman or Bruce Wayne at all. Not one single flaw.

Alright, he doesn't have a great track record with relationships, and he tends to be attracted to sexy female career criminals.

The fire started when they kissed.

And he has been known to make...unfortunate mistakes...that sometimes lead to mass destruction. And he has a hard time admitting these mistakes.

And he has a bit of a temper.

And he...kinda...dresses like a giant bat and throws bat-shaped objects at people. And drives around in a bat-shaped car. And flies a bat-shaped plane. And pilots a bat-shaped boat. And has bat-shaped tracking devices. That doesn't mean he's...like, crazy or anything.

"Hmmm...you're not how the agency described you, but you'll do."

Did I mention he has nice hair?

Alright fine. I'll knock a point off.

- 1

Two more trophies for the Batcave!

Final Score: 37/40

Ladies and gentlemen we have a new champion! (Was there really any doubt?)