Superman and Batman Quit Earth, Not Each Other.

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Why? I'll tell you why. Because in outer space no one will judge their love.

"And we're not coming back until we're allowed to wed legally!"

"In outer space, our lives will be perfect. We'll fly around holding hands all day!"

Awwwww.

Also in this issue:

Yowza! Man I love Bob Haney and his crazy hippy talk. He makes our heroes say the most ridiculous (and sexy) things to each other.

This Week's Haul

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This week I ended up buying more than I thought I would. It's a decent amount, considering the lack of a Batman title.

Civil War: The Confession #1

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

This was just adorable. And...text-heavy in the classic Bendis style. I actually enjoyed it. I kinda like Bendis, even though his Spider-Man is gratingly annoying. Certainly better than Millar. Basically the whole point of this comic is to show that Iron Man isn't the total ass that Civil War led us to believe.

Am I crazy? I thought this was better than any of the other Civil War books. I know I'm a Marvel newbie, but...

One question: Captain America is shown with his blood-spattered shield resting on his dead body. Very powerful imagery and all that, but...how did his shield get all bloody? He didn't have it on him when he was shot.

So...is this an ongoing thing? It's #1. Are more confessions going to happen. Is Iron Man just going to sit next to Captain America's rotting corpse confessing every little thing that's been bothering him. ("Steve, you remember when you put that sandwich in the fridge at the Avenger mansion, and it disappeared? And you said you clearly labeled it "Captain America's Lunch," and you asked me if I'd seen it? Well, I totally ate it. I'm sorry. I know I said I didn't know what you were talking about, but I did. And...it wasn't worth it. That sandwich wasn't very good.").

Robin #160

I'm trying to make a decision about whether or not to start buying Robin regularly. I always enjoy it when I read it, and I really like Tim Drake as a character. It's a funner comic than Nightwing, but it's still not...quite...interesting enough. I dunno. Maybe because I don't regularly read Teen Titans. Should I be reading Teen Titans? Anyone?

This was pretty good. Sometimes I have to ask myself if I only read Robin because there's a chance that Batman will show up. Does that make me shallow? Anyway, he didn't show in this issue, and maybe that made me like it a little less than if he had. Also, this was one of two comics, Superman being the other one, that I read this week featuring a clumsily-written gangsta dude.

I do like Robin solving complex mysteries on his own. I have a soft spot for teenage detectives. And this one features a good amount of detective work. That was kinda cool.

Green Arrow #72

First of all, I am very sad that this is being canceled. I know it's fashionable to dislike Judd Winick, but I'm cool with him, and I think his writing suited the Green Arrow title nicely. This issue wraps up the Green Arrow/Batman team-up series. Like all Green Arrow comics, it was a fun read with cool art snappy hero/villain banter. Also, Green Arrow and Batman arguing, which is always a good time. The rumour is that this title is being replaced with a Green Arrow/Black Canary title. I guess I'm ok with that. It means a good female character more or less gets her own title, so I can't complain. I just hope we don't stray from the Green Arrow family of sidekicks, because I enjoy each and every one of them.

Superman #660

Full marks for this cover. Speech bubbles? Yay!

The Busiek run on Superman has been kinda...odd. It's been sort of Astro City-esque in the way that it stars Metropolis more than Superman, focusing on various minor characters and random Metropolis citizens. I liked last month's story about the religious old woman who believed Superman to be one of God's angels, and herself to hold the God-given power of summoning Superman to smite evil. What she doesn't get is that Superman is simply showing up whenever she prays for him because he can hear her with his super-hearing. God's not really a factor.

Anyway, that was last month. This month's issue focuses on the Prankster. It's his POV, and involves him instructing the reader on the art of the perfect prank. It's...pretty good, but I dunno. Does anyone else feel that All-Star Superman has ruined them for all other Superman stories? It's getting harder to impress me. Good effort, though, Kurt!

Wonder Woman #5

Already!

Ok, so we have a guest writer and artist. I like Will Pfeifer. I enjoy his work on Catwoman. I'm looking forward to his Amazons Attack mini-series. I had no problem with the writing of this comic (A little heavy-handed maybe...).

This issue is part five of Diana Prince's It's a Wonderful Life-style journey to learn whether or not the existence of Wonder Woman is any good for anybody. As it turns out, it is. In this issue we learn that a number of shelters for battered women were started up across America in Wonder Woman's name. The very idea of Wonder Woman has given countless women hope and the power to believe in themselves. Nice. Too bad when WW finally shows up in all her splendor...she's showing a little too much...splendor:

Aw, lady. Look at yourself. Boobs all falling out. Eagle head buried in cleavage. Not really enough material in the shorts to cover your whole crotch (nice Brazilian, by the way). You look so much better on the cover. I do approve of your flat boots, though.

But seriously, just bring the shorts out an inch or so to completely cover her crotch and you'll get far less eye-rolling from me. Check out the difference:

Slight, but important. And maybe her breasts should be a little more secure. IT'S WONDER WOMAN! A little respect, please. You wouldn't draw Superman with his balls all hanging out.

52 Week 45

Nice cover, once again. J.G. Jones has been rocking these things. Every single one is a winner.

So this is the big lead-in to World War III, it seems. And it looks like it's going to go down thusly: Black Adam versus...everyone else in the whole world. If I didn't have any advance knowledge of how things are going to turn out, I would be leaning toward betting on Black Adam. Dude is pissed. Other than learning that Black Adam is going to kill us all, and that Sivana is totally ready for a smack-down, not too much was learned in this issue. Oh, other than that Montoya is dressing like The Question...without really dressing like The Question. Just do it, Rene. Just do it and get it over with. You are boring me. If somebody asked me to be The Question, you better believe I'd do it. I'd be buying a royal blue suit so fast...

Grifter/Midnighter #1

Oh, Wildstorm. You have figured out the secret formula for getting my money. Midnighter + Anyone = $$. This is similar to the DC formula, which is Batman + Anyone = $$. Just imagine what you could charge me for Midnighter + Batman. (Please, please make that comic. It would be so...weird).

I don't know much about Grifter because I don't read WildC.A.Ts. Maybe I should, what with the Grant Morrison and all. Not much has happened in this series as of yet, but Midnighter is being his usual badass self. And that's good enough for me. Sigh. Call me, Midnighter!

This Week's Haul

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Alright, I'm gonna try something new here. I'm going to do what the blog title implies and start writing about my new comic book purchases each week. Unfortunately for me, this week happens to be a rather large haul.

Anyway, here they are in the order that I read them:

Captain America #25

Would you believe I made it through eight hours of a ten hour shift at a comic shop on a Wednesday before I learned the big spoiler for this issue? Then someone came in, grabbed the issue, and said "Is this the one where he dies?" I was like "What?" And he turns to the last page and says "Yep. It is." Noooooooooooo!!! I just started to like Captain America! We were going to be together forever, Steve! This was going to be the week where I start buying your book on a regular basis! And you go and die on me?! Bad manners, Steve.
I guess I'll have to focus on that dreamy Winter Soldier. Mmmm...younger, darker...more bionic.
I give this comic a thumbs up. It was definitely a good read and had more than one big surprise in it.

Detective Comics #829

Ok, first of all: ewwwwwww!!! That cover is so wrong for so many reasons! I love how Batman is skipping into the room.
Beyond the cover, I couldn't decide if I liked Andy Clarke's art or not. I still don't know. I do know that I like it more than Don Kramer's art in the previous Detective run, but that's not saying much. Little things can really bother me, like...I refuse to believe that Bruce Wayne wouldn't be wearing a more fitted suit:

And since the whole story is about how he can't change into his Batman costume, we can assume that he's not wearing it underneath, and thus there is no reason for him to be wearing that ill-fitting off-the-rack affair.
The story is alright. Batman and Robin (in a red-breasted tuxedo...cute) have to save everyone inside the Wayne Tower from a terrorist without being too obvious about their secret identity. Oh, and the terrorist shoots plastic explosives out of a gun, so THAT'S what Robin is covered in on the cover. Still, though, did it have to be dripping off his chin?!

52: Week 44

No word on poor Ralph Dibny's status in this issue. Please don't be dead, Ralph. This issue is Black Adam family-centric, and that's cool. The end seems to be in sight for his character's storyline. Ditto with Montoya.
Probably the most exciting thing for me in this issue was the inside back cover ad for Countdown promising a search for Ray Palmer. Yay!

Superman/Batman #32

Oh dear. Can't these two just get along?
Again, I don't know what I think of the art in this book, this time by Matthew Clark and Ron Randall. Sometimes it looked kinda good. Sometimes it looked all messy. I don't know how I feel about this storyline, either. I was kinda into the idea in general, of all the aliens being turned against Earth, but I think the fact that Superman was "cured" by remembering that he's in love with Lois was pretty damn lame. I actually threw up a little. And why the hell was Lobo in the book? Seriously, it was the most pointless and random cameo ever. Was it just to add an action figure to the next Superman/Batman toy series?
I don't know if you've picked up on this now from reading this blog, but my love for both Batman and Superman is infinite. So this should be my favourite book, right? It really isn't, and that bothers me. From the beginning it's been letting me down on a weekly basis. It's not terrible, it's just not great. Why can't it be great?!

Justice League of America #6

I chose the Adam Hughes cover over the Michael Turner cover because it's the lesser of two evils. Plus I like to support any decision to put a speech bubble on a cover. And, I'll say this for Hughes, this cover really isn't as gross as it could have been. And I've certainly seen worse Black Canary covers:

Like all previous issues of JLA, I liked this comic a lot. It had two big ass battles in it and both were awesome. Plus I always enjoy how Meltzer peppers his narration with fun facts about science and nature. You can really learn a lot from Brad Meltzer. This week I learned about tornadoes, falcons, organ failure, and how to defeat a robot who has the combined powers of the entire Justice League.
My only real complaint is Wonder Woman's shorts, which, once again, are lacking:

Sigh.

Midnighter #5

Ah, Midnighter. I saved you because I love you so much. Midnighter has consistently been my favourite series since it started. It's a lot of fun, and it's totally possible to enjoy it even if you never read a single page of Authority comics. Midnighter is oft called a Batman rip-off, but it's really more of a tribute. Plus, he's Batman + Wolverine + Punisher multiplied by awesome plus gay. This book looks great, is completely entertaining, and has lead me to say "holy crap!" outloud while reading more often than most books. (This week I said it at least three times). I also laugh out loud pretty frequently while reading it. Midnighter, I know you don't like girls, but if you ever change your mind about that...or about being fictional...I am totally waiting for you.

The Authority #2

And onto Authority, for this week I get a double shot of my baby's love (my baby being Midnighter. Keep up).
Yes, it's been, what, two years since the last issue of this came out? I don't even remember what happened last time. But who cares? Grant Morrison + Gene Ha = quality. I can tell this is going to get awesome. It's already pretty damn fun.
Can someone answer me this because I'm too lazy to check: have they always bleeped out the swearing in the Authority comics? I was sure that they were leaving it in. But it's all bleeped in this one. Boooo. But yay for putting all the ads in the back so Ha's amazing art isn't interrupted by that damn Final Fantasy quiz ad (although, I also noticed that there are only two ads in the whole book that aren't for DC. Aw. No one wants to advertise in Authority? Sounds like Wildstorm needs a plucky young advertising sales rep. I just so happen to have my resume handy...).

Shazam! The Monster Society of Evil #2

Aw, man. Is this really only going to last 4 issues? I am so in love with this book. It should be at least as long as, say, Omac. Oh well.
Yep, I don't even know what to say. Looks great. Seriously fun. Seriously funny. And totally adorable. And the aligator monsters yelling "We've lost! Quick! Eat the children!" is definitely one of my favourite comic book quotes in recent memory. This comic is doing everything right. Well done, Mr Smith.

Scalped #3

And we go from totally adorable to totally...not.

I figured it was about time that I get on on the ground floor with a Vertigo title, so I've been picking up Scalped since the first issue. Despite an over-reliance on creative profanity, this is a really good read. I don't really have much to say about it, other than I feel that it's going to keep getting better as it goes on. And, seriously, the apparent need of writer Jason Aaron to come up with cool new R-rated insults only distracts from the high quality of the story. Like, yeah. I had a Scarface poster in my dorm room too, Aaron.

So that about does it for this week. I didn't pick up Jonah Hex because I buy that in trade format. I'm sure it's great, though.

Exactly How Much Free Time Does Batman Have?

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If you answered 'a lot,' you are correct.

Local comic book kingpin, Cal Johnston, was kind enough to give me a copy of Superman Annual no. 9 because he knows I love nothing more than an elaborate Batman prank played on Superman.

This is a well-timed gift because I have been wanting to post about one of my favourite comics of all-time, Action Comics no. 241, anyway. Now I have a nice little theme going.

You may recognize this story from Showcase Presents Superman vol. 1. It's really the greatest. It opens with Superman writing in his giant, metal diary with his heat vision (even though later in the same comic he says that he scratches his diary entries into the metal pages with his fingernails, which...yiiii. I can't even think about that. It makes my teeth curl).


We get to see a whole lot of the fortress of solitude in this issue, which is excellent. We learn that Batman isn't the only superhero with plenty of time to waste on ridiculous shit. Granted, Superman's hobbies are a little nicer.

I love Clark's face in those panels. So grim. As if he's thinking "You'll get that car soon enough, Jimmy. When you die. Next week."

But what is he thinking about, really? Why the lovely and elaborate gifts he's making for his pals.

Wait. Roll back. Jimmy gets the sports car...when Superman dies?! Huh? Why can't he just have it when it's finished? And how would anyone be able to get Jimmy the car in the event of Superman's death? It's in the Fortress of Damn Solitude!
Also, I don't know if Batman necessarily needs that robot detective machine thing, but the thought is nice. And I like that Superman says that Batman is the one person he can trust with all his secrets. Too bad that's gonna bite him in the ass in a minute.

Because our hero finds this message!

Freaky! And there's more!

Yes, the mystery intruder is fiendishly finishing Superman's psychedelic crappy, crappy paintings. I should clarify that the only thing the mystery man added to the painting was the crystal structures. So the Grinch hands coming out of the ground and that hairy pile of soft serve against the yellow sky? Supe painted those. But it's the crystals that make the thing "weird--utterly weird!" Whatever, Superman. Anyway, he's so broken up about it that he immediately plays some chess against a robot. He beats the robot, and then...

Oh. Right. Intruder. Important.

This whole ordeal starts to wear down the Man of Steel's sanity, which is good for no one. He has comical nightmares:

And generally does some sloppy hero work because he is distracted. Boy, whoever is doing this to him is a cruel, cruel individual.

Finally all is revealed when Superman gets trapped by some kryptonite and an avalanche.

Oh, Batman! You jackass! Now look what you've done. You may as well fill us in as you both wait for death.

Eat it, Batman! Superman's been in the kitchen all day cookin' up a big batch of YOUR OWN MEDICINE with a side of DEM APPLES. How you like 'em, Batman?

As an aside, I think it was an extra kick in the nuts for Batman to melt down that statue of himself. Superman worked hard on that. Don't be surprised when the next one that Superman makes of you has ACNE, Batman, you big jerk.

Now these last few panels are comepletely adorable:

There is so much that rules about the above panels.

1. Batman goes shopping in full Batman costume for a gift for Superman.
2. "Thanks, Batman. You really scared the hell out of me." "You, too, buddy. Now let's go have some cake."
3. THAT CAKE! First of all...when did Batman bake it? It would have to be at least a week old because he's been hiding in the Fortress all that time. And since when did Batman bake? And how cute does Batman look, hands behind his back, all "I baked it myself!" And why is it so big?! Superman is a normal-sized person. He doesn't need a giant cake any more than he needs a giant diary. Where did Batman even bake it? And how did he move it into the Batcave? Where did he get that giant knife? Did he carve those candles himself? Does it concern anyone that if someone saw that cake they would know Superman's secret identity? I hate to break it to Batman, but Superman obviously would need super-strength to cut that cake because of the giant knife and all. Did Batman make that banner himself? Is Superman going to blow out those candles? Would that destroy the cake? Did they just hang out all night after this, eating several metric tons of cake and perhaps cracking a few beers? Could that be made into a movie?

Alright, enough about that. Let's fast forward a few decades and look at Annual no 9 from 1983. Here we see another elaborate Bat-prank, this time even weirder. It's only two pages long, so here's the whole thing:


Ok, so that was weird. Bruce Wayne bothered to get himself a convincing Italian hotdog vendor costume, and a hotdog cart. Then he bothered to set it all up in Metropolis in the hopes that Clark Kent would stop by for a dog. Then he decided to throw on a jarringly stereotypical Italian American accent. And what is the punchline of this prank? To make Superman think his hotdog costs $72.50. Well, that's...awesome. What a tremendous amount of effort to go through.

I know there is some debate as to whether or not Batman is mentally stable, but I offer both of these comics as pretty strong evidence that he is not.

Review of Heroic Codes, by Johnathan

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Here's a fun and widely-known fact: Superman and Batman don't kill, because Batman saw his parents horribly murdered in front of his eyes and Superman's a good guy about stuff like that. That's why the Joker and Lex Luthor are still running around: Superman and Batman just do not kill.



Oops. Except vampires, apparently. And intelligent machine entities. And monsters, space-dwelling sentient clouds and the occasional alien. Superman and Batman don't kill humans. Which is bullshit. It's the same sort of logic that shows up in fantasy novels all the time, where the hero spends most of the narrative carving up hopelessly outclassed members of supposedly 'evil' races like goblins only to get all moral and hesitant when his (or her, but usually his) opponent is another human, no matter how demonstrably evil. To me it smacks of crypto-racism - I'm sure that if I were still in university I'd be gearing up for an essay that mentions the Other a lot (with maybe a hint of the ol' Male Gaze, just for variety). I mean, *why* do we not kill other people, when you get right down to it? Because they're self-aware entities, just like we are, and if that's enough to save the Joker from your Bat-Wrath then you shouldn't be so damn casual about ripping off those vampire heads, Bruce. And Clark.

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