This Week's Haul: Start the War!

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Civil War? Pffft. Whatever, Marvel. When DC throws a war it covers the whole damn world. And it lasts one week. That's right. Efficiency. Look it up.

Let's do this thing.

World War III #1-4

First of all, thanks DC for making me have to buy four issues in one week. I'm not made of money. But on the other hand...thanks for wrapping this up in one week.

WWIII was a real whirl wind. It basically showcased Black Adams kicking ass and...not so much taking names. Just ripping faces off and removing various limbs from people. Not important people. A lot of Infinite Crisis loose ends get tied up in these four books, and a lot of questions get answered. Such as:

Aquaman - saves city, gets turned into The Dweller. And I guess that means he's dead now.
Nightwing - oh, it's Jason
Batgirl - manipulated by Deathstroke
Martian Manhunter - sad, confused, hero, reborn in new ugly outfit
Adam Strange, Starfire, Animal Man - Zeta Beam mishap trapped them in space somewhere
Red Tornado - Exploded by Zeta Beam
Killer Croc - dead?
Booster Gold - up to something awesome
Donna Troy - "Well, someone's got to be Wonder Woman."
Young Frankenstein - killed by Black Adam
Terra - killed by Black Adam
Manhunter - takes job, shoves it

I can't really say that I was riveted by these four issues, but they did serve their purpose. They are certainly important reading. I liked this scene with Deathstroke and Batgirl:

Oh, Slade. You're so rad. Let's get a Deathstroke movie made, huh?

So, yeah. That's WWIII. I don't have much else to say about it, except you should read it before you read 52 this week.

52: Week 50

Technically the penultimate issue of 52 proper because issue #52 is going to be the first issue of Countdown. [EDIT: Nevermind. I don't know what I'm talking about. Although the first issue of Countdown will be numbered #51, it will in no way be set up in the last issue of #52.] This is just more WWIII stuff. Captain Marvel is now the Guardian of Magic and he has changed Black Adam's magic word to something he will never guess. What do you think it is?
And that's all I have to say about that. Let's move on to funner stuff, because there was a lot of that this week.

Aquaman #51

This was the first thing I read this week. I read it in the bathtub. I would recommend doing the same. It adds a whole other dimension to your Aquaman reading. It's like you're in the story!

First off, beautiful cover. Really nice. And inside is non-stop fun. I'm really enjoying this. All the more so now that World War III has answered some important Aquaman questions. In typical new series fashion (because, really, this is a new series), the Justice League all-stars show up in this issue. In their little oxygen masks. I like Topo getting stared down by Batman here:

And Wonder Woman hugging it out with Mera is nice. I don't think Superman needs that mask. He just likes it.

This comic has fun adventure, well-written characters, and a great quest-based storyline. It's really got everything going for it. I bought an Aquaman t-shirt today to celebrate how much I like this.

The Spirit #5

Well, that's not the cover we were expecting. But it's fun. I like it. This issue was hilarious, the premise being that a crooked businessman/vulture-loving lunatic named Carrion (nice) has devised a money-making scheme where he markets old Russian army rations (beans and pork) to children using The Spirit's likeness and name on the cans. The ads promise the beans have enough sugar in them to give kids their "fix" without mom or dad knowing. Fantastic! Carrion is a truly weird villain, and makes for some really funny moments like this one:

Man, that's a great expression on The Spirit's face in that last panel. Perfect.

Another great issue!

Justice League of America #8

The big JLA/JSA crossover gets underway. I like it when these two gangs hang out.

As I keep saying, I love this series. I proudly fly the Meltzer flag. You can't convince me otherwise. There are two many tasty nerdy nuggets in these issues for me to not love them.

I loved Batman being offended that Superman had rated Karate Kid a level 15 fighter, and Batman only a 12. He vows to prove Clark wrong as he starts to fight KK. We don't see the fight, but we get this panel a few pages later:

Seriously. That is so funny.

Also funny: Mr Terrific impressing Black Canary and Hal Jordan by playing both of them at chess simultaneously...while blindfolded (though, honestly, I could probably beat Hal at chess blindfolded too). Then Batman busting in and explaining to everyone how he's doing it, and informing them that Mr T stole the trick from The Amazing Kreskin. Awesome.

And that's why Mr Terrific will never be the #1 smartest person on Earth as long as Batman's alive.

Then there's the delightful double page spread with all the heroes, all paired off and having fun conversations. I loved it. Especially this one:

Aaaaand this one:

Y'know, I've never really thought about it before, but now I kinda want Power Girl and Batman to hook up. That could be good for both of them. He might even be looking her in the eye in that picture. Maybe not, though. Do you think Bruce went out and bought a china tea set for the headquarters?

I really like Power Girl and Black Canary as the two chairwomen. I can't wait to see them lead their teams over the next few issues.

Brave and the Bold #3

JLA and Brave and the Bold came out in the same week...as The Spirit. I almost exploded.

Still awesome. Might be my very favourite series. It's pretty damn perfect. I love the structure, and I love the characters that are getting paired up. Batman and the new Blue Beetle? Brilliant. Jamie is just as giddy and nervous hanging out with Batman as I would be.

There were several things that made me laugh out loud. For instance:

Oh please get Batman to write that note.

The lettering on Jamie is great. I picture his voice cracking and just generally being really panicky. Very cute.

Meanwhile, we check in on Supergirl back on Ventura as she tries to find a way to get to Raan:

God damn that's funny. See, I like Supergirl as an obnoxious character. She's not dumb, because she's clever enough to find a way to Raan. Even if it does mean teaming up with Lobo. She's just immature and self-absorbed...like, say, Hal. Anyway, I am looking forward to the next book because Supergirl and Lobo is going to be a fun ride.

Also, this issue ends with Batman being fused together with Tharok. That's going to be interesting.

Superman/Batman #34

Oh lord. Here we go with another six terrible issues. I can just tell. Maybe I can hypnotize DC: one-shots...one-shots...from now on this series should only be one-shots...

The art is really hard to look at. Superman looks like Harland Williams:

Sigh. The worst part is I will totally keep buying this thing. I don't want to live in a world where a comic called Superman/Batman doesn't interest me. Christ.

Let's get our minds off that unpleasantness with the awesomeness of...

Nightwing Annual #2

Woot! Now we're talking! A big ol' issue of hot Dick/Barbara action and adorable flashbacks. God I love those two.

Ok, there is a lot to enjoy about this book, but most of all...boner joke! It is not above going for the boner joke!

Flashback to young Robin and Batgirl trapped in a very cramped safe together. Robin's having a hard time keeping his cool when all smushed up against his attractive partner:

Aaaaaahhh!! DC went there!

Also, Barbara is funny:

And Tim is funny:

Delicious. When are we going to see a series about the boys' travels? I know Grant Morrison is going to touch on it in an upcoming issue of Batman, but I would really like a mini-series.

Robin #161

Tim Drake is awesome. Really awesome.

But he shouldn't dress so much like Robin when he's not being Robin. It'll really blow the secret identity thing:

I guess he takes after Bruce (see above panel of three boys on boat).

Oh, this comic was good. Full of detective fun. I'm just getting tired of writing.

Birds of Prey #105

Birds of Prey + Secret Six. That's a fun combo. I'm especially enjoying dreamy Catman and awesome Barda. And now Harley!

I haven't read Birds of Prey regularly for a long time. I'm in the process of getting caught up. The last two issues have been a lot of fun. I'm excited that Sean McKeever is going to be taking over. It will be in good hands. And Simone on Wonder Woman is going to rock.

Legion of Super-Heroes in the 31st Century #1

New series!

I love the cartoon, and the comic is a lot like it. It captures the sense of humour nicely. This is going to be a Free Comic Book Day comic, so if you didn't grab it this week, you should totally check it out next Saturday. You should also watch the show. And no, "I'm a grown-up and I don't have children" is not an excuse to not watch it.

Plus it has this fascinating story in the middle where Batman teams up with Cal Ripken Jr. They defeat the Penguin. And we learn the merits of Big League Chew brand bubble gum. I remember throwing that stuff up when I was a little kid. A whole bag of it. Good times.

This Week's Haul: "Every Super-Villain For Themselves!"

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Tremble in terror, comics that aren't All-Star Superman! You have chosen a bad week to come out! Line up and let yourself be compared to the undisputed masterpiece of Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely! Good luck!

All-Star Superman #7

There's a certain buzz in the comic shop when a new issue of All-Star Superman comes out. Even more so when the hardcover of the first six issues also happens to come out on the same day. This comic is the great uniter. Everyone loves it. I can barely process how awesome it is.

Let's all just take a minute to stare at these two pages, wherein Superman is setting his pet sun-eater free into space because it has grown too large for his zoo:

These are so beautiful and adorable, they melted me into a puddle of goo on my couch. No text at all, but you can see Superman doing the whole "It's ok, buddy, you're free now." And the sun-eater is grabbing him because he doesn't want him to leave! And, ohmygod, is it waving to him in the top panel on the second page?! Quitely! You're killing me!

From that page on it's non-stop Bizarro awesomeness. I love how Bizarro looks, and I love his homemade S-symbol. I love Superman jotting down the formula for an experimental Bizarro formula while listening to Jimmy's plan. I love Superman using his new powers. I love the Zibarro cliff-hanger. I love the cover for the next issue. I love this book.

Well, now that the bar has been set impossibly high, let's check out another comic.

Green Arrow #73

Connor's back! This series just got a whole lot sexier!

Awwwww.

This is the first issue in what I understand will be the final story arc of the series. Too bad. I really do love this book. I enjoy watching Ollie struggle to be a superhero now that he's got himself tangled up in all the strings that are attached to him. He's got Connor, Mia, Roy, Dinah AND he's the damn mayor of Star City. It makes it hard to also be a vigilante, and he's had to make a lot of sacrifices to protect his loved ones and his city. I am guessing that this story is going to have Ollie listen to the wisdom of his (attractive) son and just do what he's best at, consequences be damned, to save his city from crime lords.

I like Brick as a villain. Winnick writes a good laid-back, dead-pan bad guy who will snap with little notice and kill your ass. Now we have Merlyn on deck for the next issue, which is always fun, and Black Canary. Good times!

But it's no All-Star Superman.

Grifter/Midnighter #2

Is, um, anyone else reading this? Anyone?

It looks really nice. The art, by Ryan Benjamin, is really pretty. And the colouring, by Joel Benjamin, is fantastic.

I still really don't know anything about Grifter, except that he carries two guns, does some fancy shooting, and is reasonably hot. He also likes to take cheap shots at Midnighter's sexuality. The gist of the story is that Grifter was sent to kill a member of the Saudi royal family in Paris, and Midnighter was sent to protect the very same guy from Grifter. Then they are forced to put aside some of their differences because they have bigger problems: an alien attack.

There has been a disappointing lack of heads getting kicked off, but it's an alright series so far. Aliens. Guns. Hotties. Meh. It's better than Superman/Batman.

Definitely not All-Star Superman.

Wonder Woman #7

I liked this issue, but the art was back to being cheesecakey. Other than that, the art was pretty nice.

I like how tall Wonder Woman is in this issue. Much improved from last week.

There was a lot of fun stuff in here. I really liked the super-villain bar for people who dress up like super-villains. I really liked Nemesis making a snarky comment that its patrons are really into Ashlee and Jessica Simpson, and then we get this panel a couple of pages later:

I can't remember the last time a Wonder Woman comic made me laugh out loud.

I liked the fake Catwoman busting into the bathroom. I liked that Sarge Steel bothered to shoot a net over Wonder Woman when he arrested her. And what's not to like about this panel?:

But it ain't All-Star Superman.

52 Week 49

And the only book that came close to touching Grant Morrison this week is...also by Grant Morrison.

Holy God, this was awesome. Every damn page - awesome. Will Magnus strikes back as he reveals that he's been secretly building little tiny Metal Men while the other scientists have been trying to destroy the world. Mercury is babbling about how he's actually not the only metal that's liquid at room temperature, which is great. Then he gets shot by Morrow, which is unexpected and hilarious. Magnus lets Morrow escape before the JSA bust in and arrest them all. Meanwhile, Sivana is cutting his losses and getting the hell out of dodge, leaving a very angry Black Adam trapped on the very scary operating table:

We can only imagine what Adam has been through these past few days (Thunder pliers!! HA!).

And EVERYTHING on this page is awesome:

This was so great. And the cover is amazing. One of the best. Pats on the back for everyone!

Not All-Star Superman, but surprisingly close.

Spider-Man Loves Mary-Jane #17

Y'know, this book could change its title to Spider-Man Loves Firestar and I would be ok with that. Firestar is supercool and Spider-Man is all adorable with her.

I like the addition of Felicia Hardy, all bitchy and tough. And looking a lot more PG than usual. I don't know much about Black Cat, but I do know she has a tendency to walk around un-zipped.

I really like the fashions in this book. The kids are all so well-dressed all the time. It's better than Archie comics. And I really like this guy in the trench coat:

What do you think is going on with that guy? Baffled by the coffee shop menu? Forgot his wallet? Scared of all those punk teenagers?

How long is this series going to last? Forever? Please say forever.

Spider-Man and The Fantastic Four #1

A double-shot of fun Marvel comics! And, man, I needed this. Marvel has been very busy lately pumping out the various one-shots, and mini-series, and tie-ins, and new series, and front lines, and casualties, and war journals, and fallen sons, and whatever the hell else. None of it is fun. I needed some laid-back, Ben-pranking-Johnny, Spider-Man being nerdy, non-continuity Marvel silliness. And Marvel has delivered. Check it out:

Fun! And what do you think Ben has done to the pancakes? Definitely something...

I love the contrast in the crowd reactions to Spider-Man and Impossible Man showing up, and later when the Fantastic Four show up:

I'm looking forward to more of this!

Madman #1

I live in one of those loser parts of the continent where Madman didn't ship until this week.

This basically serves as a madcap summary of all previous Madman comics, which I have taken some time in the past week to re-read in preparation. Well, it turns out none of them are important because this issue tells us that none of it actually happened.
It's great to have some new Madman stuff. I look forward to the next issue when the content is truly brand new. I love Madman. He's got such a great attitude!

This Week's Haul: Cowboys and Indians

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I didn't get to read all my comics last night because of Grindhouse, so I'm a little late with this. I have some new additions to the weekly reviews. Most importantly, Jonah Hex, which I am now caught up on and have decided to buy monthly rather than wait for the trades because, frankly, it's pretty much my favourite comic.

This is also the week that Living Between Wednesdays reader and super-fan Mark Sable started writing Supergirl, so I checked that out.

I was hoping to be caught up on The Atom by now, but next month for sure! Same with Runaways. I'm also planning to add Blue Beetle, Birds of Prey, Green Lantern, Manhunter and Daredevil within the next month.

And there's some new Marvel junk this week. Let's get started!!

Justice League of America #7

You know, I was smiling throughout the entire three hours of Grindhouse. Then I got home and read this before bed, and damn if my face didn't get a chance to relax. This was delightful.

First of all, there's this:

Adorable! (Even cuter that he gets it framed and hangs it in the cave later).

And then there's Roy being totally great-looking in his new costume, and being all flustered and happy with being invited to join the league. And making Canary and Hal cry. And the new headquarters! With the slideways door that leads to the watchtower in space!! So rad! And the pull-out of the whole league?! That was an exciting surprise.

I really love this series. It's the little details. There are so many fun little moments like this one:

He looks at his boots!

I seriously love this line-up. It's going to be a good time.

I like Meltzer's banter. I like the things he imagines the heroes do together when they are hanging out. Like Arrow and Lantern:

All this plus a Starro story-line? Beautiful!

Midnighter #6

My boyfriend's back! And he's totally...weird. This one-shot story was set in feudal Japan. While not as fun as the rest of the Ennis run, it was certainly sexy. I actually don't have much to say about it. It was fine. Next month...Brian K Vaughan!

Superman #661

Ladies, ladies, ladies!

First of all, I just want to say that Wonder Woman's shorts looked fantastic in this comic, so nice work Eduardo Barreto! In general, I really liked the art in this book. It was cartoony and fun. This comic was mostly about women, and Superman just played a supporting role.
I really liked that Clark was magically changed into Superman in the middle of a room full of people and yet his identity remained protected because no one could remember what he looked like before he became Superman. ("Was he wearing glasses?" "No, a false mustache.")

Good-looking and fun. I liked it. Especially Lois breaking the fourth wall in the final panel.

52: Week 48

So that answers that question about where Batwoman is, one year later. Batwoman: we hardly knew ye. But you looked damn good. This issue was a lot more focussed than last week, but I have to say, the last page, being the only page not part of the Montoya/Batwoman storyline, was totally my favourite part. I guess my theory about Black Adam turning the tables on Sivana that I made last week was incorrect. He's in pretty rough shape. And Sivana saying "I finally found a way to dissolve the enamel on the Black Marvel's teeth" gets my vote for comic quote of the week. Or the year. (Think about it...he used the word "finally". That's hilarious).

Detective Comics #831

Not bad. Not bad at all. I really don't like Don Kramer's art, largely because his facial expressions are weird, but I didn't think it was too bad in this book. One thing I can say that's positive about his art is that he doesn't do cheescake. And there were a few panels in this book that were actually really nice. Like this one:

Harley is an undeniably endearing character, and Dini obviously loves writing her. It was a good little story. I really liked Harley telling Batman about meeting the Ventriloquist in Arkham and how he reached out to her. I'm a sucker for stories that humanize Bat-villains.

Superman/Batman #33

Ok, they should just change this to Superman Loves Batman and get it over with.

This ends the not-so-hot Enemies Among Us storyline. I liked this issue ok, but mainly because this really felt like it might be the one where they finally kiss. I mean...Superman taught Batman that the most powerful weapon against mind-controlling aliens is...love. Or, at least, trust. Anyway, it ends with this bit of fluffy goodness:

I am a sucker for Batman holding a cup of coffee.

And then we get a Bruce Wayne who is a changed man, Christmas Carol-style:

WHAT?! It better not! Oh Verheiden, go back to Smallville, where your sugar-coating cannot possibly make things sweeter. (I like Mark Verheiden. I'm just sayin'...)

And the last page? Well:

God that's romantic.

Do you know what would have been amazing? If Superman/Batman had, first of all, been called World's Finest, and had just been a series of one-shot stories, each time told by a different writer and artist pairing. A different set of storytellers for each issue, so everyone would have a chance to tell one story about the two biggest guns in the DC rack. Then the title would have referred to the characters and the authors/artists. Wouldn't that have been awesome?! Is it too late for that?

Supergirl #16

I said I'd read it, and I did. And...I liked it. It satisfied my nerdy love of Krypton-based stories, and it gave a really interesting and compelling backstory for Kara. It also showed us where she got her good looks, because her dad is a stone fox. See? I'm not totally against objectification.
The art is really nice, and that's refreshing. I mean, that costume is always going to suck, but the cartoon-style art makes her look a lot less gross. And the new studded belt is kinda fun and teenager-ish (it is new, isn't it?). I'll keep hoping for an issue where she matures a little and realizes that her costume is ridiculous and changes it.

The issue started with the line "You are a failure, Kara. An utter and complete failure." So right away I was enjoying myself. The book was delightfully self-aware. The theme of the whole issue was basically "Nobody likes you, let's figure out why and then do something about that." It had a great cliff-hanger ending that makes me want to read the next issue. So far so good. A definite improvement. And you know I really wanted to hate this, so this praise has weight to it.

Fallen $on: The Death of Captain America #1 featuring Wolverine


What a frigging cash-grab.

This actually featured everyone but Spider-Man, pretty much. It's written by Jeph Loeb, so it's full of totally natural dialogue like this:

Wolverine: That's how everybody and their grandmother remembers you. Bucky, Captain America's teenage sidekick back in World War Two. Kids all around the world dreamed of just meeting Cap -- and there you were in your dandy red-and-blues, fighting along-side the living legend. And we remember how you died.

Winter Soldier: I wasn't the only one people thought died that day. The world also lost Cap back then.

Wolverine: Exactly...And here you are. All alive and stuff. And after digging him out of a block of ice, Cap survived as well.

Clunk, clunk, clunk.

And Iron Man is still hanging out next to Steve Rogers' body. Boyfriend, much?

This was pretty lame. See the movies, kids! Buy the toys! I'm surprised Silver Surfer didn't glide on in for a page or two.

I was hoping I wouldn't have to bust this out again, but:

Avengers: The Initiative #1


This is me trying to care about Marvel, post-Civil War.

I actually enjoyed this comic. It was fun. Superhero bootcamp. It had some fun characters and nice art. I have nothing else really to say about it. I'll read the next issue, though.

Jonah Hex #18

Jonah has a bad day in this one. Makes some mistakes. He also kills a bear and says some really awesome things. There have been a lot of artists on this series with a lot of different styles, and they have all been excellent. This week it's provided by Val Semeiks, and he's of the school that likes to make Hex's face extra gross. I respect that.

This series is so good. It's the first thing I recommend to anyone who asks me what comics are good. You could pick up any random issue and completely enjoy it. Plus, he's such a perfect fictional character. And everyone likes cowboys.

Scalped #4

And we've come to the Indians half of this post's title.

This series is good. It's one of those comics where you kind of forget that you're reading a comic. It feels more like I'm watching a television show or a movie. Dash is just a really compelling character, and beneath all the violence and profanity and bleak imagery there is a dark, but touching, love story. It's a really well-constructed series, and I recommend checking it out while it's still young.

Review of the Forbidden Loves of Superman, By Johnathan

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In reading tales concerning the life and times of the good ol' Man of Steel I've noticed something: Superman's love life is often pretty creepy. Now I'm not referring to the eternal distance that he maintains between himself and Lois Lane/ Lana Lang - that's just perplexing - and I'm not talking about the one time that he was willing to settle down being with a mermaid. I'm talking about how he keeps trying to make time with his relatives.

Now, I can kind of almost see the reasoning behind this tendency, from a writing standpoint. Pre-1985, Superman is ridiculously powerful - easily the strongest, most invulnerable dude in the DC Universe. For him to have anything approaching an equal relationship, power-wise, he'd pretty much have to date inside his family. This, however, does not make the concept any less creepy.

To show you precisely what i mean, here's some picture evidence.

Action Comics No. 289 is a real gem. It's given me material before and it will again. And why not? It's got a perfect Silver Age ridiculous plot:


Supergirl saw a movie about a sorrowful bachelor, which naturally gets her thinking about her cousin Kal-El - what if he never gets married? Basically, civilization as we know it would crumble. Supergirl decides to find a suitable dame for Superman, resulting in not a few hijinks - she tries Helen of Troy first, but Helen turns out to be something of a colossal wench, and so she's out. Then she tries to get him together with Saturn Woman of the grown-up Legion of Super-Heroes, but she turns out to have gotten married, so that plan is also out the window.

Finally, Supergirl confesses her worries to the big guy, which triggers possibly the most uncomfortable moment in comics history:

Sheesh! Aw, Superman... that's just, um... incredibly wrong. Look at how he's got her chin, and how close he's standing... he completely *wants* his fifteen-year old cousin. Not only that, but Supergirl can tell - check out the expression on her face - she's freaking out, probably because she remembers this incident.

So the justifiably-freaked-out Supergirl rushes off and finds somebody to take the bullet for her - her super-powered doppelganger on the planet Staryl.

Superman takes the bait, thereby making Luma Lynai Creepy Object of Desire No. 2: Someone who you're only after because they look just like an adult version of your teenaged cousin (who is Creepy Object of Desire No. 1). Despite this, they seem to get on well:




But it all ends in tears, in the good ole DC manner - Supes doesn't even think about staying on her planet (or visiting occasionally for some super-nookie, or trying to solve her problem, or anything else) , he goes home to hug Supergirl some more, and everything goes back to normal, except that the Man of Steel now creeps everyone out.

Not that he gives up, as seen in the very brief appearance of Creepy Object of Desire No. 3: Your cousin, just from another dimension.

See? He's totally folding under the mild flirtations handed out by his extra-dimensional cousin. Don't do it, man! Check the DNA!


No resistance to kryptonite, magic, or gettin' some. "Trophy room" my eye.

The No. 4 Creepy Object of Desire isn't really his fault, but it's still telling when a scene plays out like this:

A young man who has come to the future meets an attractive young lady who is wearing next to nothing...

He tries to impress her with a show of strength, they talk for a while. He's starting to feel pretty confident...

Wait for it...

And she's his descendant. Which probably messed up his libido for a while - maybe that's why he grew up to be the kind of guy who hits on fifteen-year olds that he's related to.

All in all: Bad form, Superman. Bad form.

NOT APPROVED.