Twelve Days of Christmas Special Review Series, Part Two, By Johnathan

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Dammit, I’m writing this on Calling Birds but I’m only up to Turtledoves (Augh! I was away from the internet again! It's Golden Rings!). Have to pick up the pace, Johnathan, or those Lords’ll be a-leaping sometime in February.

Continuing with Adventure Comics No. 289, today we answer the pressing question: what do super-heroes get each other for Christmas? (tangential observation: Red Tornado giving Batman a “World’s Greatest Detective” mug in the latest episode of The Brave and the Bold? Utterly adorable. That series is nothing but JOHN APPROVED)


Man, I don’t know how I feel about those pictures. I have some experience with that type of gift, and it is a super thoughtful/heart-warming thing to receive, but… there is absolutely no doubt that the implications of that time scope are profoundly creepy. I mean, think about what you did this morning. Now, think about a good friend of yours watching you do what you did this morning, with you all unaware. Gives me the shivers.

NOT APPROVED

So what do the Super-Cousins come up with to top that eerily thoughtful gift? Time-scope images of each Legionnaire’s death, maybe? Drawings of what they think everyone looks like in the shower, perhaps?


Flight belts! This is a good gift! So good, in fact, that it travels back in time - the teen Legion are using them in their next appearance and the poor Substitute Heroes have to make do with them for about twenty years after everyone else gets fancy-pants flight rings.

JOHN APPROVED

Still, I wish that the “glowing crotch” aspect of the flight belt had remained a part of Legion canon. It’s just so… festive.

"eleven Tyrocs shouting,"

Twelve Days of Christmas Special Review Series, Part One, By Johnathan

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Hallo hallo! It's me, Johnathan, back from the far-away land of Offline and fat with turkey and buttered vegetables. As promised, I'm going to rock the twelve days of Christmas with twelve reviews highlighting various modes of holiday celebration in the comical booklets that I so love. And since we're already on Day 3 (French hens!) I'm going to be playing catchup.

What are we going to look at for Partridge/Pear Tree Day? Who else but the Legion! From Adventure Comics No. 289, as recently looked at over at Super Future Friends, we have this:


Supergirl has a plot to get a little action for her cousin, so she hauls him into the 30th Century to hang with the adult Legion for Christmas. More on the action-getting plot later - today we're looking at the Legion's decorations.

Not too sure why there isn't ever any snow around the Legion Clubhouse, as it's located just outside of either Smallville or Metropolis and I'm pretty sure that at this point those estimable towns are both located in Kansas. Isn't Kansas snowy? Maybe the poles flipped in 2567 or something like that. No matter. I'm sure it's Brainiac 5's doing.

I sure do like the Santa dummy in the space ship. Some of my favourite things about the Legion's future are its intersections with our past - rather than playing some crazy game where you simulate nuclear fusion with electronic beans they play holographic Dungeons and Dragons or Spaceopoly (which I hope is all about capturing the Boardwalk Nebula early in the game). Likewise, rather than having a robot out front with a special time portal that loops images of history's greatest Nativity scenes, including the original, they have a crappy Santa dummy that someone thought would look cute in their rocket car. My Dad's neighbours would do that!

JOHN APPROVED


As for their tree: fantastic! This is the solution for my irrational aversion to even the most convincing fake Christmas tree - make 'em weird abstract treeoid forms. I haven't had a tree in my own place for upwards of ten years but I sure would set up that cone-stack. Especially if I could arrange to have planets revolving around it. Or possibly something else, I don't know. Towns I've lived in? Snack foods I have known and loved (oh, Punkys. I miss ye). The important thing is the revolution.

JOHN APPROVED

"Twelve beasts of lightning,"

This Week's Haul: We hardly knew ye, Batman

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Would you believe I am still sick? This is the worst cold ever.

BUT I am done my classes and I only have a few things to finish up before I am done school forever! I am going to celebrate by playing video games all day and partying all night.

Here are some comics I read this week.

Batman #681

The end of "Batman R.I.P." and what a long, crazy trip it's been. I've seen the "Batman BRB" jokes floating around that internet. That's pretty funny. Or, maybe, "Batman WTF?" I actually found this particular issue to be surprisingly fluid, for the most part. I don't think this storyline needed all the mass media attention it received. And it completely failed as a cross-over, as far as I'm concerned. Neither Detective, Nightwing nor Robin seemed to tie into Batman in any notable way.

I liked the Batman R.I.P. storyline, though. I don't know if I understood it, but I liked it. I just think people who don't regularly read comics who are picking up this issue because it made the news are going to be very dissapointed and confused.

Captain America #44

Do you know why Bucky is awesome? Because he is two super heroes! When he's got a job to do that's too dirty for Captain America, he switch to Winter Soldier. This issue shows that off nicely.

Daredevil #113

I am loving this Lady Bullseye storyline. I'm glad that we finally get some Matt Murdock reaction to the revelation that Elektra is a Skrull. And I am glad that we get some characters like Danny Rand and Master Ito kicking around for levity. Plus Dakota is still awesome. And not dead yet...will she shake the "sleeping with Matt Murdock" curse? I hope so.

Superman #682

I think this was James Robinson's best issue of Superman so far. The voices seemed a lot better, whereas before it just sounded like a bunch of James Robinsons conversing with each other. I always like Renato Guedes art, too, especially when he's drawing Supergirl.

Wonder Woman #26

I'm really glad that DC not only has the perfect person writing Wonder Woman (Gail Simone), but they also have the perfect person drawing this title (Aaron Lopresti). This issue launches a new storyline that looks like it's going to be fantastic.

If you have an extra $9 you could do worse than picking these up.

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This is a little late, but there were three comics that came out last week that I'd like to bring everyone's attention to because they were good and probably overlooked.

Superman/Supergirl Maelstrom #1

If you have been enjoying recent Supergirl comics as much as I have, then you should definitely check this out. If I had to say when it takes place in continuity, I would say sometime in the last year, before the Death of the New Gods and certainly before New Krypton or a lot of recent Superman events. Supergirl is still heavy into her self-doubt phase, and Superman has decided to help her out with that.

The main premise is that a Apokaliptikan babe named Maelstrom is in love with Darkseid and is hoping to impress him by killing Superman. She goes to Earth, destroys a chunk of Metropolis, and makes Supergirl sad. It's all very well-written (Jimmy Palmiotti and Justin Gray) and beautifully drawn (Phil Noto). It's one of those mini-series that you can easily ignore, but if you are a fan of Supergirl at all, this looks like it's going to be a really high-quality mini-series starring her, and that alone is something to celebrate.

Terra #1

It's been a Palmiotti/Gray-heavy week for me. For the record, Jonah Hex was also awesome this week.

I stopped reading Teen Titans months ago. And I REALLY don't care about the Terror Titans or whatever. I definitely would not have picked this up if it weren't drawn by Amanda Conner, who is fantastic and doesn't draw nearly enough books. So if I have to read a comic about a charcter I don't care about to see her art, I will do it.

But this actually was really enjoyable. The Justice Society, and, in particular, Power Girl played a big role in it, so that was good. Everyone looked really hot, especially Terra. And I love the fun stuff that happens in the background of Conners' art, and her facial expressions.

X-Men/Spider-Man #1

This comic was BEAUTIFUL. Mario Alberti throws down some gorgeous art for this story which is set in the sixties. The comic tells a story of one of the first meetings between the original X-Men and Spider-Man. Christos Gage provides fun dialog and lots of humour. AND...Kraven the Hunter is the main villain!

My understanding is that this 4-part series will move out of the sixties and tell a story that spans the last several decades. I think this is going to be a great mini-series.

Who exactly are Humpty Dumpty's enemies? Walls?

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Ugh. Stupid boring real life is really eating up all my time lately. I have a huge stack of comics from this week that I won't be able to read for days. AND a new issue of Comic Foundry! Yay!

School is over forever in about six weeks. My band is in Atlanta tonight playing a show with the Black Lips, and I am home writing marketing case study reports. Sigh.

It's times like this that I need a hit of comic book craziness. Because only comic books can deliver complete fantastic nonsense like this:

You're not going to see that scenario anywhere else! Certainly not in these marketing textbooks!