Hey there! It’s time to inaugurate another new feature here on Johnathan Saturdays. For a couple of years now I’ve been doing reviews of the Super-Human Detritus of the Thirtieth Century, said detritus being people who tried and failed to get into the Legion of Super-Heroes and occasionally people who got in and were subsequently kicked out for being evil. Now, I have a few more of those things that I can do, but Silver Age Legion rejects are getting a bit thin on the ground. I thought about expanding the definition to include villains but it just didn’t sit right, so here we are: Super-human Delinquents of the Thirtieth Century, featuring all of the future’s most strange and incompetent bad guys. First up: Vibrex, Master of Vibration!
Vibrex showed up in Legion of Super-Heroes No. 267, in a backup story set just after Mon-El had been released from the Phantom Zone and inducted into the Legion as a full member and not just a Sad Reservist. Everyone is hanging around the Clubhouse being cool and talking about how cool they are when they receive news that there is trouble on the space elevator (the space elevator is the coolest mode of future-travel there is, bar none) and they all rush off to look into it. Mon-El is excited to participate in his first Legion mission that doesn’t involve beating up a robot Lex Luthor.
Oh no! The sentence that Mon-El didn’t get to finish was indicating that he didn’t believe that this assignment was going to be any trouble, but there is trouble after all! trouble in the form of a poorly-dressed super-villain!
Oh lord is he poorly dressed. That thing where his torso is a different colour than his limbs? All I can think of when I see that is "action figure whose arms and legs come off." He’s practically a He-Man character, and not one of the good ones, like Buzz-Off. No, he’s… he’s that robotic elephant firefighter guy who squirted water out of his nose. Also, that’s a terrible colour scheme. And you don’t need a ‘V’ on your forehead if you have one on your chest.
Mon-El’s not intimidated though, and – oh lord, the stripes go all the way around. This guy put a lot of effort into this costume, didn’t he? He thinks that he looks fantastic, like the indie dude I saw last month who had the ironic tight jeans and the ironic jeanjacket-over-cardigan and the ironic pedophile moustache and the ironic Seventies haircut and it all came together no make him look like a badly-dressed guy with terrible hair. Actually, Vibrex is worse, because Mr. Indie was at least piling proven methods on top of one another to form a mess, while our blue-limbed pal here is just flailing wildly in the fabric store.
Oh, shoot. I already told you his name, didn’t I? Sorry for ruining your big moment, Vibrex. Really, though. You’re not much of a planner. You sneak onboard the Space Elevator to steal some ore, armed only with your vibratory powers (obtained when he "…flew my unprotected cruiser into a deep space radiation field…" which is, incidently, another well-thought-out plan) and no evidence of superstrength (to carry the ore) or flight (to get off of the Space Elevator before it docks) or any thought to how to get away once he gets to the end of the elevator cable, because it’s an elevator and he can’t land it anywhere but at the regular landing area, which presumably has some sort of security.
Vibrex gets the upper hand quickly, using his vibratory powers to cancel Mon-El’s anti-lead serum and shut off the other Legionnaires’ flight belts, but shows his colours again immediately by completely ignoring the super-heroes that he just dumped out into space. Mister, if you’re dumb enough to turn your back on three super-heroes after doing nothing more deadly to them than throwing them out of a door that’s four kilometres in the air then you deserve this:
UH… IN SPACE, NO-ONE CAN HEAR YOU GET PUNCHED!
Anyway, I have more pictures of Vibrex but you know what? It’s all the same. The guy was a loser, through and through – he ain’t appearing in Legion of Three Worlds, that’s for sure.
When Vibrex wakes up, tell him he’s NOT APPROVED.