All-Star Batman and Robin #7: Live Running Commentary...Again!
/It's that time again! This thing is coming out more or less on schedule now! It's creeping me out!
Now, once again, I will read this for the first time and post my running commentary. When you hear Batman kick you in the teeth, it's time to turn the page.
CRUNCH!
Before I get started I just want to say that as soon as I picked up this comic I launched into a giant sneezing fit. So maybe I am allergic to All-Star Batman and Robin.
Page 1 - "Striking TERROR. Best part of the job." Isn't striking terror the only part of the job?
CRUNCH!
Page 2 - "You don't know from screwed, you losers!" This gets my vote for worst Batman quote ever.
CRUNCH!
Page 3 - "Let me take you to school, suckers!" Ok, we have a new winner.
Also, Batman really gets off on people shooting each other. I guess.
CRUNCH!
Page 4-5 - "WADS"???!!!! Batman used the word 'wads'!!!!
CRUNCH!
Page 6 - Oh man. I am really glad that I didn't actually buy this. So Batman just called one guy "sweetheart," another guy "boy of mine" and all of this is making "Black Canary" (who is Irish, for whatever reason) very hot.
CRUNCH!
Page 7 - Oh, come on. Selina's not a smoker.
Yes, of all the crap on this page, that's what bothers me.
CRUNCH!
Page 8 - WHA?! NO!! YARG! I...can't believe this. At all.
CRUNCH!
Page 9 - I am so confused about what this is supposed to be. Clearly, it's a joke. I mean, it has to be, right? So my question then is, why is someone with so much obvious contempt for comic books allowed to write this comic? Let me write it! It would be so delightful!
CRUNCH!
Page 10 - So, what is Dick Grayson doing during all this? Starving in the Batcave? Sharpening his axe? Eating rats?
CRUNCH!
Page 11 - ??????!!!!!!
CRUNCH!
Page 12 - Hey, it's Robin! "I have no idea how long I've been here, in the Bat-Cave." Yeah, neither do I. I am pretty lost on the time frame of this comic. How many nights since Dick's parents were killed? Was it this same night? And didn't he leave the cave to play with that axe at one point? Or was that in the cave? Meh. Next Page.
CRUNCH!
Page 13 - 14 - Seriously, if I see one more person throw up in one of my comics this week...
CRUNCH!
Page 15-16 - Well, this is messed up.
CRUNCH!
Page 17-18 - At this point I would believe anything. It would not surprise me if I turn the page to find that Robin has chopped that guy's head off. And then the next page is a giant orgy.
CRUNCH!
Page 19 - 20 - Normally I would kind of love Batman leaning on his car like that. But this isn't any kind of Batman I want to know.
CRUNCH!
Page 21 - Oh, well, terrific. (The Joker has pierced ears?!)
Aaaand we're done. Ouch. This exceeded my expectations of shittiness. Way to go, DC.
