Nineties Week: My computer was rollin' like it was 1995

Man, I had a rough time posting this. My computer was not working in every way possible, which seemed timely for nineties week. But aren't we supposed to be past that now? Shouldn't my computer be psychically linked to me? Shouldn't it just know what I want it to do?

Anyway, I didn't read every title in my stack of nineties comics as my fellow blogger, Dave, so bravely did. I mean, there were three X titles in there, and I'm not going to read that in a regular week. But here's a sampling.

The Spectacular Spider-man #180

I was expecting a fun Spider-man story, but instead it was an issue where Harry Osborne has an internal psychological fist fight with his Dad and with Peter. I guess it was a metephor and Harry was really fighting himself, Batman Ego-style? Poor Harry. He was really losing it and I was concerned that he may harm himself.

That was kinda messed up, but it seemed like Owly after the terrible shit I witnessed on the first page.

UM, WHUT? That is nine kinds of fucked up.

X Factor # 70

This issue is an epilogue, so not much happens. Professor X is in a coma or something, and everyone's upset. But he wakes up in the end and everyone's okay. Wolverine extinguishes and cigarette by swallowing it. The X-Men's costumes are super fugly.

This issue did highlight that strange nineties trend where the sexiest part of a woman was considered to be the upper leg/side area revealed by a costume where the leg holes is cut almost to the lady's bust line. The leg/side/hip. Was that called something, like the muffin top? The pear-neck?

Avengers #338

The story was called "Infections Compulsions," 'cause the nineties were gross, and I have no idea what happened. In fact, I had to wiki almost every member of the Avengers team. Who were these people? And what were they doing? They were in space...or something? And fighting? I felt like I was deciphering an ancient text that may hold all the clues to what will happen in the next Marvel cross-over.

But this issue did have an editorial page that feature this:

THE COOLOMETER!!!!

I don't even know where to start! Sushi and Twin Peaks are not particularly cool? Don't rollerblades and ponytails on men normally go together? Infinity Gauntlet is clearly forever cool. And I like that Quasar is cool. Quasar totally strolls into the malt shop with sunglasses and a leather jacket on and is all, "S'up ladies?"

Justice League Quarterly #4

This was fun! This was the much-talked-about silly era of the JLA, right? The first story follows the Injustice League in a wacky caper to make some money. In the second story Guy Gardiner and some other JLA member that can only be described as relics, cruise around a psychic fair scaring the fake-weirdos by showing them some authentic powers, and then dying laughing. Nice!

Strangely, a whopping ten pages of this issue is devoted to "CaTales," following the hilarious adventures of the JLA cat. And he's no Streaky—he's just a smelly old cat that gets into trouble. I love a cat comic, so I'm not complaining but it wasn't the action-packed JLA that I'm used to.

In the story this panel is from, the Elongated Man had to give him a bath! Haha!

Outlaws  # 1

Hey, remember Outlaws? No? Anyone? Dave? This was apparently a six-part mini-series about a Robin Hood-style hero and his gang of outlaws who had all been horribly abused by the king of wherever it was set. Anyway, it was a fun read, in an unchallenging sort of way.The art was bad though, and it reminded me of every comic brought into Strange Adventures by a totally crazy person who thinks they've invented a franchise-worthy character with "Superior Man."

The best/worst/best again thing that came from my 1991 comics time capsule was a flyer for a con that took place in Wolfville, Nova Scotia.

The schedule featured a midnight filking session. FILKING. Look it up and cower at the nerdliness.

Anyway, the conclusion I've come to is that the nineties weren't all that bad. Or more accurately, that lots of comics in the two thousands blow too. We still see brutal fashion, terrible butt-flossy costumes on ladies, confusing plots and money-grabbing crossovers.

But at least in the two thousands, I'm old enough to buy beer. And that makes reading crappy comics way more fun.