If you need a Valentine's Day gift idea, might I suggest having your loved one's name inserted into a terrible song about Marvel heroes? Or perhaps...a whole CD of Marvel-based songs?

A multitude of delightful phoned-in songs that are vaguely creepy and factually incorrect. But you don't have to take my word for it...

Please click on this link and listen to the song samples. All of them. You won't regret it.

I would especially recommend the Wolverine Rap. The trilogy of Superwish, Fly With Me and Show and Tell is also incredible.

I would love to give this gift to a friend with a five-syllable name. See them work that in there.

Wouldn't this be awesome if they had Stan Lee record your kids name, and his crazy voice interrupted every song several times? "Let's set a trap for Doctor Octopus AARON."

And I thought Spider-Man Rocks! was lame.

All I'm saying is...DC doesn't do this shit.