Review of Air Wave, by Johnathan

This is going to be another mini-review, as I continue to work late. Not that my job is especially hard or anything, mind you. I just don't like being there longer than I have to so I get all lazy when I get home. Fascinating, I know.

Today we're having another look at Air Wave II, he of the hot socks. Son of the original Air Wave, who I've never actually seen in a comic book, this guy never really measured up. He had some sort of electromagnetic powers and a reasonably snazzy costume, but what really made him stand out back in the day was his status as perhaps the first (though probably not) of the DC 'legacy heroes', the second- or third- generation superhumans that reap the benefits of using someone else's name and costume when establishing themselves. Air Wave had it super-easy, actually, because not only was his (dead) father Air Wave but his cousin was Hal 'Green Lantern' Jordan, so he was constantly getting super-advice from Green Arrow or The Atom or whoever. Despite all this, however, the kid still managed to be a complete yutz.

Okay, here we see Air Wave as he rejoins his girl after pulling the old 'run off to save the day routine' on her:

A couple of things: first, I totally forgot to mention that Air Wave is also named Hal Jordan for some ungodly reason.
Secondly, that is a terrible excuse. "When I looked up at the sniper I saw that the sun was out and so I just had to run off and get a hat." Really, if you wanted plausible you should have told her that you were hiding from the sniper instead of murderer-watching like an idiot.
Thirdly, she figured out that he was Air Wave about three months ago. Seriously, she sewed him a new costume and he didn't notice until about halfway through the fight with the sniper.

I do like that the little bits of advice that flash through his head have symbols next to them to indicate who said what. I'm not sure but I think that Green Arrow's represented by a little hat.

Oh, Hal. She so did not 'buy it.'

NOT APPROVED

(this isn't the best review ever, but I don't care)

Review of an Oath, by Johnathan

Ugh. I had to work late today, so I'm beat. Just a wee little review for y'all.

I think that 'Hot socks!' is possibly the best exclamation ever. It beat 'Holy cats!' and 'Leaping Lizards!' hands down. The fact that he said this almost makes up for the fact that Air Wave II was a total lamazoid.

JOHN APPROVED

High-Tech Tomorrow: Review of 3-D TV, By Johnathan

Action Comics No. 287: The Legion of Super-Heroes put on a show for the folks at home, who're watching on their fabulous 3-D TVs.

Now, the first thing that I have to say about this is that the 3-D TV isn't that great. For one thing, it's huge. I mean, we could probably make a 3-D TV smaller than that right now, let alone a thousand years from now. TV technology is advancing faster than, say research into anti-Alzheimer's treatments, so we can reasonably expect that our 50-times great-grandchildren won't be watching their stories on something the size of a Baby Grand piano. Also, and this is assuming that a fad for hyper-minimalism doesn't set in around 2962, there should be a background or something. I mean, come on. Little men in a box do not entertainment make. Unless they're leprechauns.

Beyond this, though, is something much more troubling. Judging by this family, the people of the future have lost all trace of our current media-savvy, hyper-aware jadedness. Look at them, drooling and believing what they see - it almost turns your stomach, doesn't it? How can they be so content with such a meager plot? How can they offer up such non-irony-laden TV-related conversation? It just ain't natural. I can just hear them on the commercial break:

Futureman: I say, Mother. It seems that Pepsi is the drink of a new generation.

Futurewife: It's been said that it's the right one, baby.

Futurechild: Uh-huh!

These people are going to get taken to the cleaners.

NOT APPROVED

Review of an Heroic Nadir, By Johnathan

Man, do I love the Atom. All five of them, from little 40s tough-guy All Pratt to current Atom Ryan Choi's friend Panda (Atom V as of last week or so). My absolute fave, however, is Ray "Totally Missing" Palmer, the man who forever quashed all cries of "Shrinking is a crappy superpower!" Seriously, read Showcase Presents: The Atom or any incarnation of the Justice League that has the good sense to have ol' Ray - you will see a tiny man kicking ass. Could Batman disarm someone by jumping onto the end of their gun? Well, probably, but it wouldn't be as cool as when Ray does it.

But that was Ray at the height of his coolness. This review is focussed on another time, a dark time. No, not the 'ex-wife is a murderous, insane super-villain' time, as that is just standard hero stuff. Instead, we're looking at the time that comic book writers thought that Ray had absolutely no life.

The preceding page is perhaps the saddest I've ever read. Not in a 'Death of Superman' kind of way or a 'Black Adam murders an entire damned country and by the way why isn't the whole DC Universe out looking for him, seriously, like Mary Marvel didn't even mention that he killed millions of people when they ran into each other. He'd better not ever get redeemed, I mean really - it'd be like having Hitler on the Justice Society' kind of way, but in a 'the writer went a bit too far in making the hero look like a regular Joe' kind of way. Let's break it down:

Okay: Ray Palmer is devoted to his (awful, murderous) wife. I guess I can respect that. She's out of town and he's lonely.

See, now this is where things start to fall apart. Ray's wife (killed Sue Dibny, killed Robin's dad, killed Captain Boomerang) is out of town and he's so bored. He has nothing to do without his wife (slept with the Spectre, tried to sleep with Mary Marvel) around. He certainly doesn't have any friends, and especially not super friends.

Personally, I think that the artist just wanted to draw this shrinky/growy leapy thing and so they had to think up an excuse. I just wish that it could have been a better one than 'Jean's out of town and Batman didn't feel like going out for nachos.' Doesn't the Atom travel through time on a regular basis? instead of hopping around, he could be stealing George Washington's teeth or something.

... that's the saddest thing that I've ever read in a thought balloon. Seriously. It's like something that an elderly shut-in would think. Ray, dude, I'm certain that Green Arrow or someone would like to hang out with you. Or you could watch TV. Just... just don't make me cry on my Action Comics.

NOT APPROVED

Almost forgot: I'm going to try to post something every night this week. Tune in, kids! Watch me fail!