I'm feeling a bit sub-human today, so this post's going to be nice and simple.

So: I recently read More Fun Comics No. 105, from waaaaaay back in 1945, when the air was clean and little birds danced on command, and I found myself particularly taken with the Green Arrow story "The Miracle of the Mistaken Miser", for two whole reasons.

First off, the plot, though not extraordinary, is facilitated by what must be the most magical forest in the DC Universe. I believe that the best way to illustrate this is with some old-fashioned cropped images:

Oliver "Green Arrow" Queen and Roy "Speedy" Harper are making the best of a nice day by... standing stiffly in the woods in blue pants. Little do they realize, however, that these are magic woods and they want to show our heroes a good time.

Now, as far as I can tell, Roy and Ollie don't move an inch during the following series of events. Well, maybe they pivot.

First, a confrontation between young lovers and disapproving parent:

"Dad, we'd like you to come to the woods with us - there's something that we need to talk about."

I would be willing to bet that they were planning to hit him with a shovel if he said no, but nobody remembered to bring one. I assume that nobody would miss... what was his name again? Ah. Mr. Havemor.

Good lord.

And then, turning gently to the left, the Wizard Archers get to watch Mr. Havemor try to wheedle a survivalist miser type out of a small chunk of his land, so that he can build a housing development. Because there's nothing that a society-hating hermit loves more than a subdivision next door.

Nothing doing, though. That miser is sitting tight on top of his gold nuggets that he really shouldn't be yelling about all the time. No land for poor Mr Havemor.

I'm sure that you're thinking something along the lines of "That's fine, Johnathan, but maybe Havemor came to the woods to talk to the old guy and the kids were just seizing the day. The whole thing's just a coincidence - there's nothing magical going on."

Well, feast your eyes on this:

Just as soon as Havemmor leaves, crooks show up to steal the gold. I mean, I'm sure that the old guy was distributing fliers reading 'I AINT LEEVIN MY LAND ITS FULL OF GOLD I HAVE SOM NUGGETS' throughout the county on a regular basis, but still: this is a powerful coincidence. The only real conclusion that one can draw is that the forest itself is sentient and is seeking to please its inhabitants and visitors with magical powers, like some unlikely planet on the original run of Star Trek.

The rest of the tale concerns Green Arrow and Speedy battling hermit-robbers, but the real star of the piece for me is Monk, the leader of the gang. Check him out:

Purple suit, huge head, wee little shock of hair up top... this guy's got it all.

It's his facial expressions that really make him a champ, though. Look at that grin - that is the epitome of the degenerate humanity that DCU thugs were blessed with in the Gold and Silver Ages. Annd his bucktoothed pal ain't bad either.

But this:

This is his greatest moment, as he draws things out before shooting the helpless GA and Speedy. He concentrates so much dull-witted evil into one face... the man's a savant, I swear.

He does drag things out a bit too long, though.

Anyway, things turn out okay: the crooks are thwarted, the land is sold to Mr. Havemor and that one guy ends up with a thousand dollars somehow and so gets Havemor's blessing.

Well, close to a blessing, anyway. And Mr. Havemor went on to build a magical subdivision, until it became troublesome and he hired some men to destroy the magic.

And then he had the hermit killed so he could expand his operation.

Good night everybody!