Hip-Happy Heroes Part 2
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It's Fat Week, day 2, and here I come with another installment of Hip-Happy Heroes, that rollicking look at the temporary fatnesses of the heroes of yesteryear. Today: it's grab-bag day!
Hip-Happy Hero : Aquaman
Yes, even the beloved Aquaman was no exception to the rule that every character had to get fat at least once before the 60s were through, though in his case it was less blubber and more blimp.
1. How'd He Get So Big?
One day, as Aquaman and Aqualad were patrolling the seas, they happened upon a raft-bound castaway. They towed him to safety, whereupon he made a startling revelation:
The old man explained that Aquaman could now transform himself into a big fat blimp, a wide thick wall, a stone giant and a long thin arc. Then he died, before he could go on to explain why he hadn't tried to use any of these powers to, you know, try to escape a hideous death on the pitiless waves.
2. What Were the Social Ramifications?
Of all of our Hip-Happy Heroes, Aquaman probably gets off the lightest (so to speak). There's nobody hanging around making cracks about how he should join the circus or complaining about having to pick him up or anything. Aqualad worries a bit about how he might burst, but then that kid always was a worrier. Plus: he uses his fatness to save a ship, so big bonus there.
Before you ask, yes, the Aqua-blimpiness does wear off on schedule six hours later. In true Silver Age form, Aquaman uses up his new abilities just as fast as he can, one after the other, and then they are never spoken of again.
Hip-Happy Hero: Wonder Woman (and Green Arrow, Kind of)
Another crazy adventure of the JLA lands Wonder Woman in the fat soup. Green Arrow too, kind of, though with him I feel that the shortness is more key than the fatness.
1. How'd She Get So Big?
Well, the Justice League were chasing aliens at a carnival, see, and they stumbled into a funhouse mirror-cum-trap, with hilarious results!
All in all, this mirror thing was a pretty fattening experience, as Wonder Woman and Green Arrow both chunk up pretty darn thoroughly, while Flash comes down with a bad case of Thunder Thigh. Heck, even Green Lantern's head looks curiously enormous.
2. What Were the Social Ramifications?
Social ramifications don't really come into this one, unless you count the fact that the Wonder Woman was rendered too fat to fight effectively and so humanity was almost crushed under the heel of an alien overlord. I'm sure that that would have led to some awkwardness at the water cooler.
Oh! and having to get help from Aquaman just to lift your arm, that's pretty embarrassing.
3. Well, How Did She Get Back to Normal?
Well, after the incredibly difficult fight for the future of the planet, Green Lantern remembers that he has a magic wishing ring that can do anything, so he fixes them right up. But only after the incredibly difficult fight for the future of the planet.
4. Can We Apply Her Method to Our Own Lives?
If you have access to a magic space ring then I say go for it. Plus, use it to make me a new computer.
Hip Happy Hero: Blue Beetle
Yep, poor old Ted Kord managed to snack his way to tubbiness, smack in the middle of the Giffen League's heyday.
1. How'd He Get So Big?
Snack food and a sedentary lifestyle were Ted's undoing, though just how he managed to be sedentary while fighting Despero and the like is beyond me. Anyway, he chubbed himself up good.
2. What Were the Social Ramifications?
As can be expected, ted got a lot of ribbing from his team-mates in the League, as well as super-villains, passers-by, Rocket Red's kids and society at large. And he got fired from the League over it. Plus, I think that it may have been one of the reasons that he got the hell beat out of him in a boxing match with at-his-jerkiest Guy Gardner. it was the least respect that... It was the second-least respect that he ever got.
3. Well, How Did He Get Back to Normal?
In the shocker of the century: through diet and exercise. I know, I know: what a chump. He knew at least four Green Lanterns, right?
4. Can We Apply His Method to Our Own Lives?
Well sure, if you're a chump.
And remember: Hip-happy means plump! Good night!
