I Obviously Have a Lot to Learn About Dungeon Mastering

I try to take my guys on adventures filled with mystery and crazy monsters (and, lately, a lot of municipal politics), but recently I was looking through some old issues of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons from the late 80s and, well, I just don't know if I can compete with this, from issue 7:

Your eyes are not deceiving you: that is the magically reanimated and enlarged skeleton of a jester that has been sent to destroy the city of Waterdeep, fighting off that city's griffon-mounted airforce. And, might I add, the skeleton is able to breathe both fire and ice.

It's enough to make a man think about hanging up his dice.