As I mentioned in the previous post, Superboy was hitting on a sweet piece of Xanthu named Zynthia in order to make Lana jealous as a lesson to her for trying to make him jealous. Meanwhile, Jughead was judging a hamburger-eating contest at Pop's Chok'lit Shoppe but was having a hard time paying attention to the contestants and not the food.

The writers of this comic have made an assumption that the one thing that teenage girls want is for their beaus to give them things, and especially things that require the use of superpowers. This may be true, which would explain my dating track record in high school. In any case, the girls keep asking Superboy and Star Boy to do things like making huge gemstones or glowing dresses. This is cool, but then Zynthia pulls out this request:

Dude! What? You want a tiger? Why the hell do you want a tiger? Is it just as proof that Superboy likes you enough to do things for you, like the time a girl got me to eat a worm? Because there are things that you can get him to do that won't screw up a tiger's life. You could get him to, say, eat a worm. C'mon, it'll be hilarious!

Since Zynthia isn't as cool as me (or that girl I mentioned), Superboy goes after the tiger. And then we learn why it's called a Parakat:

It's a terrible pun! Xanthu was settled by punsters! Or perhaps just punster zoologists. Stopping only to diss the poor creature a little, Superboy leaps into action!

Y'know, someday someone's going to try this in a Vertigo comic and there's going to be all kinds of severed tiger tail action. Seriously: I don't think that most animal tails are built to withstand that kind of stress. Okay, maybe monkey tails, but they're prehensile. This poor critter's going to need some sort of therapy after all of this is done. Hopefully it doesn't need the tail for balance or anything.

Stunning revelation! The beast is sentient!It totally formed a sentence all on its own! Seriously, if it just mimicked human speech like Superboy assumes, wouldn't it be saying something like "Argh! It got my leg! My god, the pecking! Sweet moons of Xanthu, it's mimicking human speech while it eviscerates Larry!" and so forth? I mean, when does a bird-faced tiger hear the word 'dizzy'? Stupid anthropocentric speciesist Superboy doesn't see things that way, though, and promptly enslaves what is clearly an oppressed species to begin with (you can be damn sure that they didn't think up the name 'Parakat', for one thing).

And so the noble Parakat, feared throughout the Jungle Mountains of Xanthu, is reduced by an uncaring Superboy to the status of greeting card. The poor beast, a great leader among his people, was later slaughtered in order that Zynthia might have a Parakat-skin bikini and seat-covers for her Sky Canoe. Plus her father used the skull for an ashtray. Parakat-skin clothing soon became the height of fashion, resulting in rampant poaching. Today (well, a thousand years from today) there are less that 47 Parakats remaining in the wild. Thanks, Superboy.

The Parakat is JOHN APPROVED. Zynthia? NOT APPROVED.

Time for more fantastic technology of the future! Today we turn to Adventure Comics No. 282, wherein Star Boy makes his first appearance. He's on Earth to track down an escaped criminal, and he needs Superboy's help! Exciting stuff, yes? Not as exciting as the real plot! See, Lana Lang manages to overhear Star Boy tell Superboy his secret identity, and blackmails him into taking her to his future-world of Xanthu, there to fawn over her and make Superboy jealous. Let no-one say that Lana Lang is not ambitious. Let's see Archie Andrews go to such lengths for a hot date. In fact, I dare him to.

Anyway, as a part of this jealousy-inspiration plot, Star Boy is supposed to shower Lana with gifts, the more fantastic the better. He gets her fantastic gems, show her a good time and show off his mastery of the Super-Loom.

Now, I'm not quite sure what makes this particular loom super. Is it really fast? Is there a computer inside? Is it super like the Atom is super, in that it's smaller than a regular loom (and presumably weighs the same)? Heck is it just super because it's being operated by a super-hero? If a PhD used it, would it be a doctor-loom? Could my grandfather weave me something on a grandpa-loom (or a septuageni-loom)? I certainly hope so. Basically, though, the Super-Loom is only remarkable for its name. Oh, and for this:

Star Boy puts it away afterward! Honestly, that's possibly the only time that I've ever seen someone put something away in a comic book. Everyone's like me, age 8 - just leave it where it is when you're done. Star Boy's so conscientious.

JOHN APPROVED

By the way, Superboy figured out Lana's plan right away (like he always did) and so not only didn't get jealous but turned things around by hitting on this chick named Zynthia and making Lana feel the sting of a great big backfire. What's notable for the purposes of this review, though, is Zynthia's prime mode of transportation:

The mighty Sky Canoe! Second-most popular form of transportation on Xanthu, behind the Sea Car but far, far ahead of the Land Helicopter! Fly through the air in a notoriously tippy vehicle, without seat belts! Know the joy of controlling your fate and course with a piece of bent pipe! Spew pollution like it was going out of style! The Sky Canoe - from the makers of Space Skateboard.