Cat Week: The Future is Terrified of Tigers

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During my extensive research into the Thirtieth Century and its irrepressible superteens, I have read of many terrifying encounters between future-man and future-beast. In a tomorrow filled with a near-infinite variety of life-forms, humanity appears to have reverted to an almost Medieval state of horrified fascination with the creatures that exist in the wilds of the galaxy. Curiously, though many of the most feared animals of the future resemble nothing that has ever been seen in our time, a special dread seems to have been reserved for those beasts that resemble the Terrestrial tiger. Witness the dreaded tigerram:

Admittedly, nobody is doing much dreading in this sequence, but keep in mind that El Mustacho there is the greatest hunter in the galaxy. Even his most feeble prey has got to be the sort of thing that would go through a regular person like a hot knife through space butter, right? Or was the Hunter merely taken in by the tiger's fearsome reputation? Other future-folk seem to place great stock in the impressiveness of the beasts, after all:

See how Jungle King not only tries to impress his way into the Legion with his ability to tame the dreaded borlat, but also plays up his manly jungle image by wearing a tigeroid skin singlet. Judging by Sun Boy's reaction, his ruse succeeded, but unfortunately for Jungle King he was far too much of a sap to capitalize on his good first impression.

Oh that poor chump. Never turn your back on a borlat, even if they can be defeated with light.

Meanwhile, how does Superboy attempt to impress a futuregirl named Xynthia?

That's right: he subjugates a bird-tiger, and it really seems to pay off! It is perhaps with a mind turned toward this success and not toward the failure of Jungle King that our final example came up with his disastrous idea. I speak of Beast Boy, one of the oft ill-used Heroes of Lallor:

Seeking to impress his people at the Heroes' first public appearance, Beast Boy demonstrates his power by transforming into a gurn! And what is a gurn?

A gurn is a two-headed borlat, evidently. Kind of a let-down, but Beast Boy's exhibition really had an effect on the audience, leading the dictator of Lallor to exile him and his whole dang team for fear that their popularity would end up toppling him from power (and after they're exiled, they come under the influence of Jungle King's evil brother! Eerie stuff). Such is the fear that is generated by a two-headed, six-legged tiger in a future it never made.

But the tragedy doesn't stop there:

Yes, even after the Heroes of Lallor managed to return home, poor Beast Boy was viewed with suspicion and fear. "Once a tiger, always a tiger." was the common opinion, and as stupid  as that was it managed to drive Beast Boy into madness, isolation and ultimately getting eaten by a little blue critter in order to save a little girl. So I suppose that the moral of this post, if there is one, has to be

NEVER TURN INTO A TIGER.

It's just good sense.

John Buys Comics - Cat-Style!

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What a week! B.P.R.D, Solomon Kane and The Unwritten their usual high-quality astonishment; Giffen managed to bring some Morrison-era weirdness into present-day Doom Patrol; present-day Morrison continued his efforts toward ensuring that someday I'll refer to Morrison-era Batman weirdness in Batman and Robin; Jersey Gods got turned on its MF ear; there's a damn A-Team comic and somehow The Twelve has manged to claw its way partially free from that shallow grave I tearfully buried it in.

Sadly, it's Cat Week, so I won't be reviewing any of those comics. No, there were really only two books of note this Wednesday, and here they are:

R.E.B.E.L.S. No. 14

This is the first time in a fairly long time that a series that I enjoy has manged to wrap up a long and at least moderately complex storyline in a way that has left me satisfied. All of the major plot-threads managed to come together for a finale without feeling extraneous, a lot happened without feeling rushed and the villain's defeat was both not easy and not only achievable by deus ex machina. I sure do hope that this thing continues, whether as R.E.B.E.L.S. or as L.E.G.I.O.N. '10.

The really important thing about this issue, however, is Tigorr. Everyone's favourite Omega Man really comes through in this issue, leading his team back from the furthest reaches of Starrospace in order to save the day with his trademark aplomb. How he manages to traverse two galaxies, have his mind taken over and save the day without letting his stogie go out, I'll never know, but I sure do hope that Dox makes him his right-hand man (er, alien) after the reorganization. He'd be purr-fect for the job!

Secret Six No. 19

The Secret Six, complete with new member Black Alice, go about their usual business in this issue as they raid a summer camp run by that Brother Blood cult from Teen Titans.

----- PARENTS: DO NOT SEND YOUR CHILDREN TO ANY SUMMER CAMP RUN BY A GROUP THAT HAS THE WORD "BLOOD" IN ITS NAME. IT'S JUST GOOD SENSE. THAT IS ALL. -----

Now one might think, based on the cover image, that Catman plays a prominent role in this issue. Sadly this is not the case, though that cover does almost make up for it (I just want to scratch his pointy little ears!). No, Catman only gets as much face-time as any of the other characters in the issue. However there's a pretty god chance that this story arc is going to be full of opportunities for Catman to shine, and possibly to shed the excess baggage that is his team and prowl solo, thus giving us the kind of all-cat experience that we want! Everybody start writing postcards!